Pharoahe-f**kin-Monch, Ain't A Damn Thang Changed

Huzzah!

Two outstanding Hip-Hop albums in two weeks. Is rap back?

Funbongo: Maybe, almost, lets see what Kanye, Lupe Fiasco, Common, Rhymefest and Talib Kweli deliver this year...

Lupe Fiasco - I gotcha - Live Instrument Mix (zshare)

Albert: Oui, y not? It never left, it just had a quick sleepy bye bye. Is Tom Cruise back? When is Cocktail 2 coming out? I heard TomKat has persuaded Martin Clunes and Neil Morrisey from 'Men Behaving Badly' to star. Dame Judy Dench is signed up to duet with Dizzee Rascal on the soundtrack.

Pharoahe Monch is a brilliant rapper. Some of you may have heard his debut album Internal Affairs. It was released 1999 and was criminally deleted. It is an absolute pain in the rudebox to get hold of. Its going for $55 on Amazon and £45 on Play

You cannot buy it digitally online (correct me if I am wrong) so here is the best track off it.

Pharoahe Monch - The Light (zshare)

Here is a fantastic cameo of his on Amy Winehouse - Rehab Remix (zshare)



Here is a track from the Pharrell vs The Roots album that seems set to never get released. The album is called 'Out My Mind'

Pharrell and The Yessirs - Number One Ft Kanye West

This summer Pharoahe releases this:

Desire



Intro
Free
Desire
Push
Welcome To The Terror Dome
What It Is
When The Gun Draws
Let's Go
Body Baby
Bar Tap
Hold On
So Good
The Trilogy

Funbongo is lucky enough to have a copy and it is worth the 8 year wait since his last album.

Buy it here

There is some great Pharoahe Monch stuff on iTunes...

Sergio Mendes - Loose Ends Ft Justin Timbalake, Pharoahe Monch and Will-i-am

Mos Def - Oh No Ft Pharoahe Monch and Nate Dogg

Miri Ben Ari - New World Symphony Ft Pharoahe Monch

Dj Jazzy Jeff

This is the best hip hop album we have heard in a long while.

DJ Jazzy Jeff - Return Of The Magnificent

Hip Hop - feat. Twone Gabz
Let Me Hear U Clap - feat. Pos
Run That Back - feat. Eshon Burgundy / Black Ice
Definition - feat. Kel Spencer
Touch Me Wit Ur Handz - feat. China Black
Jeff 'N' Fess - feat. Rhymefest
Practice - feat. J-Live
Supa Jean - feat. Jean Grae
Garden - feat. Big Daddy Kane
She Was So Fly - feat. Kardinal Offishall
Hold It Down - feat. Method Man
All I Know - feat. CL Smooth
Go See The Doctor 2k7 - feat. Twone Gabz
My Soul Ain't For Sale - feat. Raheem DeVaughn
Come On - feat. Dave Ghetto
Brand New Funk 2k7 - feat. Peedi Peedi


Buy it here

Albert Hoxton Exposed

Full Name: Alberto Winthorpe Tryrant Magaret Teri Hatcher Hoxton Senior GQ Esquire Tha Third.

AKA: The Gordon Ramsey of Rap.

Titles: Sir, MBE, Dr (received an honory PHD in *NYSNC studies from Shoreditch High Skool), Professor, Dame and Prince (co-orinated in '74; year of the Rudebox)



Born: On the 4th of July in Casino Royale (Monaco), either in 1442 or 1984 - there is evidence to support both.

Mother: Unknown but some historians have traced his family tree back to Ron Burgandy.

Favourite Tube Station: Canada Water, its clean and has a good number of emergency exits. There is no water though.



Father: Again, unknown. Tom from Myspace thinks there is a fair-good chance it is Maddox Jolie Pitty.

Confirmed Family Members: Penelope Hoxton, Alfie Allen, Picasso, Disco, Brooklyn Beckham, Dickie Van Horton, ACDC, Willie Mason, Willie Fogg and Willie Thorne and The Pet Shop Boys.

Ex-Wife: Ophelia Hoxton, she left him because he kept calling her Robbie whilst ordering her to 'do the Rudebox'.



Arch Enemies: The Archie Bronson Outfit, Akon (apart the India.aire and Gwen songs), Eminem (post 2003), A Arctic Monkeys (so cool they drop the 'The' before their useless asses), Harry Potter (go Drako Malfoy), Bar Kelly (a drinking establishment that has banned R Kelly records), Most of Clapham, FACEBOOK and Hedge funds.

Properties: Albert House near Old Street Tube



The Royal Albert House



Lords Cricket Ground

Folsom Prison

Camp (Craig) David

A flat on Booty Street in Hoxton



Skills: Skinny dipping, Rudebox, tax dodging, croquet, France, pencil sharperning, clapping, google?, Kelly Morris dancing and slam dunking the funk.



Weaknesses: His left arm in the gym, slip fielding, Savage Garden, galaxy chocolate bars and pollen.



Criminal Record: 'Bert spent three years in a Japanese laundry for jaywalking backwards (naked) and calling the King of Japan a mong mong.

Heroes: DJ Tam Tam



Known Albert Quotes

'Don't forget your hair straighteners'

'Cricket is for lovers'

'Bingo!'

'Shiver me timbers'

'Hotel, motel, holiday Inn'

'Life is a rollercoaster'

'60% of the time, it works everytime'

'PIMPing ain't easy, most of it freaks me every night'

Salary: 500 French Francs a minute paid direct into a Welsh bank account.

Favourite Tipple: Ribeena with a slash of squid.

Siobhan & Co

Siobhan Donaghy - Ghosts

Another week and another former Sugababe. This is time is was Pop Justice Live with Siobahan and some other jokers. Albert was 'breaking necks' all over the shop; unfortunately for him they were mainly men.

The crowd was fired up and full of energy, here is the the lo-down:

Booty Luv

Funbongo: Couldn't summon the energy to get out of my chair to watch them, hence no pictures. Sounded ok, you can't really beat Tweet.

Albert: No, you should never beat a woman.

Funbongo: I meant you shouldn't cover Tweet's Boogie Tonight.

The Real Heat



Funbongo: Yes, by this stage it was about 49 degrees in the shade. The flyer said they are getting loads of buzz in East London.

Albert: Yes, I think I have seen them hanging out in Whitechapel late on a Friday. For £8.50 you can get them to...

Funbongo: Albert stop!

Albert: Prude

Funbongo: They were very entertaining and Firas has booked them for a night.

Albert: What will his girlfriend say? They are also performing at the Filthy Few on May 10th at Bar Music Hall.

BWO



Funbongo: The pictures say it all.



Albert: Did I like? No, no so much. Entertaining in a scary way, like a horror film.

Siobhan



Funbongo: Brilliant, great voice.

Albert: Better performer and much fitter than Mutya. Mutya has better songs though.

Funbongo: Hey Bert, didn't you steal her water bottle from the stage?

Albert: Yes, yes I did. She had only half drunk it. This means that we have almost snogged. Take a look below. I turned the label from the bottle round so you can't see the make. We don't believe in product placement.



Funbongo: I am not sure that counts as a snog, I also heard she was a lesbian and so may not fancy you.

Albert: I like a challenge.

Siobhan Donaghy - Givin' In



Mutya or Siobhan?

Funbongo: Mutya just. Both albums sound a lot better then anything The Sugababes have ever managed.

Albert: Both



Siobhan Donaghy - Don't Give it Up

Rudebox '74

Albert is so happy about Robbie's Rudebox being nominated for an Ivor Novello award that he doing the fandango.

Most people hate the Rudebox album. Most people haven't heard the Rudebox album. We only liked two songs when we fist listened. Now we love eight.

Industry rumours suggest that Robbie will release another swing album at Christmas to win back the housewives. Robbie please don't; release a RudeboxEMO album instead. I also read 50 Cent's people had been in touch with him, mmmmm.

The Rudebox lyrics are absolutely priceless. The guy is a genius, they are hilarious. Here are some of our favourites:

Rudebox



Good Doctor





just hurt me leg its not terminal
But a pain killer could help for whats wrong with my knee
And I'm a little bit down from too much tea
Got me own collection can't get an erection
If I take em' too long they'll fuck me complextion
That's right If I take em for like more than a few days I get that haunted look
Give me loads of pills

The Actor




Keep On Ft Lily Allen

Hotel motel Holiday Inn
Hotel motel Holiday Inn
Hotel motel

Croups crouping
Roots rooting
Ludes looting
Loops hooping
Got no strings but I think with my dingalingaling
Two two for the two ting tong ting two stonking
Two's two
Looks luking
Fruits fruiting
Sleuths sleuthing
Got no strings I think with my dingalingaling
Root root for the rooting
Toot toot for the tooting

The 90's

"Boys I don't believe it, I'm gonna be famous!
Pick you up in a Porsche and buy you lots of trainers."
I met the other guys, one seemed like a cock
I think it's gonna be like New Kids on The Block

Now we're famous and that, and we're dancing and that
And I'm thinking "I can't see! Why am I stood at the back?"
So fuck the band give me some gak.

DJ Tam Tam LIVE

Yes! we can confirm the beautiful DJ Tam Tam is playing at The Filthy Few next month.

Albert just fainted.

Saturday 19th May

The Young Folks Disco. Peter Bjorn and John Live!

Guest Blog From the Beautiful Raver Disco

In the absence of FunBongo and Albert, Disco was joined by Maniac, Chappers and the good Shepherd to see some cool swedes getting hot and sweaty in Camdens's Koko. Despite being initially distracted by the giant disco ball Disco was soon captivated by the dashing young Swedish men, Peter, Bjorn & John.



(Disco disco...eyes on the stage!!)

Having been to see several swedish singing sensations of late I'm beginning to think that Swedes have more fun. The boys had boundless energy reserves, belting out songs from the last 3 albums and leaping around the stage looking like they didn't have a care in the world.

Charlotte Gainsbourg - AF607105

The girls were expecting some mellow tunage akin to the Young Folks track so we were pleasantly surprised when the boys rocked out with some of their new tracks - I swear I caught Maniac and Chappers busting some air guitar half way through the gig...



(Peter - he's so CUTE!!!)



FunBongo would have loved the live bongo's on Young Folks - the crowd went wild and the rhythmically challenged girl in front was a cause of concern for all of us...Peter jumped into the crowd with the microphone for the whistling part...he looked to be heading for Disco but was stopped in his tracks when Albert streaked across the stage (completely unexpected but most definitely the highlight of the evening). Encouraged by Peter (whose love of attention is actually very endearing), some superb crowd involvement followed, which was met with much laughter from the other boys. Great stuff.



Stylewise they didn't disappoint (the boys were much more on trend than Robyn whose dress sense still gives me nightmares). The only improvement could have been for the beautiful Peter to be wearing those same tight white pants that the Air boys are so partial too...

(Fun Bongo - please insert photo here of said white pants...just so I can re-live the memory - merci!)



All in all a super night - great music, hot swedes and a giant disco ball.

Buy the album!!! errrrr The Album



Charlotte Gainsbourg - Set Yourself On Fire

The Charlotte Gainsbourg Album 5:55 - Music by Air, produced by Nigel Godrich (Air, Beck and Radiohead...) and lyrics from Jarvis Cocker. Fantastico.

Biggie Interlude

I have been looking for this version of 'Real Niggas' for 10 years.

Jay-Z probably wouldn't be my favouite rapper if Biggie had lived on to make more than just two albums. I exclude all the posthumous mismash albums that Diddydo has churned out in the last decade. God bless Diddy, he taken it a little far though.

The vocals from this track were later used on the Duran Duran fueled Notorious.

Here is The Notorious B.I.G - Real Niggas (zshare)

April Filthy Few Ft DJ Funbongo Live

Back once again for the Renegade Master. Yes The DJ Funbongo show returned with some bands. It was, of course, the mighty Filthy Few Live in Hoxton.

Albert popped his collar so hard that the bone came out and we had ram it back in. There were high-fives a plenty and free marmite all night behind the bar. Firas obviously drank vodka and gravy with an umbrella (an obvious tribute to the new Rhianna/Jay-Z track). The girls went. Yes, they all went after Albert's Rudebox fell out his trooooooousers (that's Scottish).

DJ Funbongo Setlist


Jaguar Skills - Wogan Theme
Amy Winehouse - Rehab DED Mix
Justice - D.A.N.C.E
Calvin Harris - Rock Band
Joss Stone - Tell me 'bout it
Blur - Charmless Man
LL Cool J - Lougin'
Calvin Harris - Love For You





What? we didn't intend to play two CH songs but a girl asked for it so...

Don't remember what else. The set had to stopped early for autograph signing.

Christian K played another high callibre eclectic magical set. Big Boss Firas, who has gone AWOL, played Renegade Master and two other Calvin Harris songs that FunBongo didn't play. No-one has seen Firas since.

He did mention (in an erry camp voice) the words Pakistan, and training.

Someone said they saw him outside Daniel Radcliffe's changing room but that's unconfirmed.

There are also conspiracy theories abound that Albert kidnapped him to allow the release of Funbongo's Britney Spears CD collection at Filthy Few nights. Who knows...




Hearts of Black Sceince


Funbongo: Well, ummm. The beef burger I ate for din dins was really good, it had a lot of hustle (and some chips too).

Albert: Yeah yeah The Hearts of Black Sceince, them dudes, errr yeah. I just need to return some video tapes.

Firas: Im AWOL




The Downfall of Paris

Funbongo: OK. Soma likes them.

Albert: Not as good as Jamiroquai.

Firas: geeeeeeeeeeehad, Albert untie me now!!!




Middleman

Funbongo: Up to their tip top standard. A live treat indeed.

Albert: Bravo to them, it was sad their set got cut short. Would have liked to have heard a cover of Elton John Rocket Man.

Firas: I'll be back.



Download Filthy Few Podcast please thank you - its free with lots of good music.

The next one is: 10th May @ Bar Music Hall in Shoreditch

Middleman Myspace

Downfall of Paris Myspace

Hearts of Black Science Myspace

Robin Thicke Live!

Robin Thicke - Cocaine

The particulars of Albert's divorce from Ophelia specify:

Albert Hoxton is not allowed within two tube stops of Ophelia; if he breaches this then a special chip (Jack Bauer injected into him) will play sNow pAtrol into his head. This is a fate worse than death.

It happened once and he threw up in Mika's hair. Mika hasn't noticed, or even washed his hair yet.

Thicke's album

So while Ophelia drank tea and watched Doherty we went to Camden to check out The Thickster. Goths live/hang out in Camden :(

Is Robin Thicke a cheesy whitebread hobo with a bunch of slushy R&B stinkers? Or is he a talented musical meastro with songs to make Tupac cry with loving emotion?

lets see

What did he chat about inbetween songs?

Funbongo: Well Thicke carries off cheesy well. He spent the customary 3 weeks speaking out God and all that nonsense about 'believing in yourself' BUT the rest of the time he was pretty funny. He made a joke about murder - hilarious!! NB He didn't really.

Albert: Yeah, blah blah blah. I gave him a Tom Cruise Mission Impossible poster as he left and told him to sign up to tha Church of Scientology. He called me Ethan, told me I was a Top Gun and gave me a Firm handshake. He then asked me to go for a 'smart' cocktail with him. I said ' not if you were the last samurai on earth'.



How was the venue:

Funbongo: We liked the Jazz Café, its one of the better places in Camden.

Albert: We were in Camden!? You Sh**, f**K, ch*p windmill of a gun. I can't believe you made me go there. I thought the bad smell was your breath, weren't we in Woking? Oh my, I must put my body through the car wash and then the dry cleaners to sort this out. Balderdash.



Best Bit:

Funbongo: The amazing 'Shooter'. He rapped Lil Wayne's parts, as well as his own, it was spectacular. Although he failed to play 3 of his best songs the set was much better than I expected. There were maybe 9 great songs and 2 clangers. He was generally fantastic, a great musician.

Albert: Pretty fliiii for a white guy. I liked his band - dem were sum smoooooooooooooooooooooth kats.

Robin Thicke - All Night Long



Worse bit:

Funbongo: Camden. Oh, and the encore was a waste of two minutes.

Albert: Camde... Oh Sceince I cant bring myself to say it.

Marks out of Spencer or alternativetly 16.4 please

Funbongo: 12.9

Albert: Lets converse about the Ne-Yo album. we really like it. He is a cross between rubbish and amazing. Jay-Z says on it

'and Ne-Yo's like young Michael, Im Quincy Hov. Here's the flow that broke the Da Vinci Code'

I mean its already a classic for that statement alone.

You need to listen to Shooter about four times and then you will love it like weetabix on a lazy Sunday afternoon.




Robin Thicke - Shooter

NB Robin is currently writing for: Himself (second album), Usher and 50 Cent!? Given that these are potentially the two biggest 'urban' albums of the year, he is quite important/relevant.

Pharrell Saved? Yessir

The amazing ?uestlove from The Roots reworking Pharrell's album

An Evening With Pete Doherty

Wolfman - For Lovers Ft Peter Doherty



What happened?

Ophelia Hoxton: He started at 7.30 and played for about 3 hours, pretty consistently apart from messing up a bit on Fuck Forever. Alan Wass played for a bit (he's the one in the cowboy hat in the pictures), Lethal Bizzle (ah ha), Bert Janks (? - no idea, from the 60's apparently) played/rapped with him too. Lethal Bizzle did the rapping, Bert the playing by the way. A couple of the songs were a bit shit but majority were good and a couple excellent.

Funbongo: Oddly I once had to transcribe an interview with Lethal Bizzle and the guy talks at 486mph, he also uses words that sense make no.

Albert Hoxton: He is also a world classless rapper

Surprises:

Ophelia Hoxton: He managed to play for 3 hours without falling over. He didn't do any reading/poetry which I thought was a bit of a shame.

Albert Hoxton: Y iz mi x wifey Ofeeeelia writing for ya (Im in Lethal Bizzle mode)?

Funbongo: Pipe down Albert



What did Kate Moss look and perform like?

Ophelia Hoxton: Looked pretty pretty but she's tiny. She kind of skipped on, sang for 20 seconds and skipped off again so couldn't really tell how she could sing. That might have been the idea!! He did dedicate What Katie did next to his 'beautiful fiance' which was quite touching (hurl)

Albert Hoxton: He usually dedicates that one to me, my fake leg is called Katy.

Funbongo: Leave your gammy/gammon leg out of this


The Libertines - What Katy Did



How did you find Hackney?

Ophelia Hoxton: The Empire was an awesome venue although could have done with a telescope to see from where we were sat. Wasn't too worried about getting robbed but then didn't really spend too much time wandering around presenting a target.

Albert: Firas was in Holloway that night, no danger

Funbongo: Albert, that is out of order. Firas is not a thief; he is just the filthy terrorist




How do you now feel about Doherty?

Ophelia Hoxton: Haven't really changed my opinion, always thought he was very talented just a bit of a fuckwit.

Albert Hoxton: Ophelia's shitting potty mouth is why we got divorced.

Funbongo: Do you think Peter is a sceintologist like us Albert?

Albert Hoxton: That's a given, that's a given




What was his banter/interaction with the crowd like?

Ophelia Hoxton: He had a bit, but he did seem quite high/drunk/wasted/normal couldn't really tell as he seems to be the same no matter what the occasion.

Albert Hoxton: I am off to listen to the new Ne-Yo album.

Funbongo: Wait for me.




What were the best things?

Ophelia Hoxton: Fuck Forever, the Libertines songs he did, Down in Albion.

Albert Hoxton: Stop swearing.

Funbongo: Keep your eye on the prize Albert; this Ne-Yo album has a Jay-Z track on it.

What annoyed you:

Ophelia Hoxton: Screaming girls that I could have easily thrown a pint over. Guys behind me talking about how they were at the age now that they should start thinking about getting married. What?

Albert Hoxton: What is a pint?

Funbongo: It is a long wooden boat used on rivers, like in Cambridge.

Babyshambles - Albion

Rating out of 14.6:

Ophelia Hoxton: 10.7

Albert Hoxton: Am I meant to be scoring Ophelia or Peter Moss?

Funbongo: I give the Ne-Yo album 11.1, its actually good.

What Katy Did in 'ackney with Barat. Special, Special, Special.


Dont know where the youtube the real video for this is... For Lovers

Timbaland Murks Ronson

Timbaland slaps Marky Ronson in the singles chart.

Numero Uno in the UK and USA

Timbaland - Give It To Me Ft Justin Timberlake and Nelly Furtado

The Dykeenies LIVE

Who Are The Dykeenies?




Albert Hoxton: I could be wrong but I believe they are collection of Scottish lesbians often found in the suntan lotion section of Boots.

Funbongo: No Albert, no.

Penelope Hoxton: The Dykeenies are “Fucking Brilliant” if we’re to quote anyone from Trainspotting. Vocally strong and proving they’re one of the tightest bands on the block by sounding like they’re on record yet we’re watching them live. The Dykeenies should have been wowing Whiley (she means Tim Westwood, not Jo Whiny) rather than Lamacq (must mean T Dawg Trevor Nelson) at The 100 Club.



Who Listens To The Dykeenies?

Albert Hoxton: Anne Summers? Sean Connery, he is Scottish?

Funbongo: None of the above. Mainly 'kids in the Know'. NB 'Know' is a small island off the coast of Birmingham.

Penelope Hoxton: With big shout outs to producer legends (Timbaland?) and also cake bearers, The Dykeenies showed they clearly have fans from the highbrow studios to the local patisseries across the Kingdom. They definitely have an edge (no Bono thankfully) to them. They effortlessly mixed 'get into your head' catchy poppie songs (destined for success) with their 'hard as nails' Scottish roots.


The Dykeenies - New Ideas

What Was Their Banter Like?

Albert: Me didn't listen, they were all boys.

Funbongo: I think it was good but we don't speak Scotlish.

Penelope Hoxton: Chief vocalist and keyboard/synth player Brian Henderson (does he know Bigfoot?) could be a stand up comedian if he weren’t a passionate Dykeenie performer. At home with cracking gags that clearly only the Dykeenie brothers and friends “get”, the rest of the crowd were left baffled by Henderson’s razor sharp quick wit and incoherent Scottish accent. However, the audience was clearly charmed and chuckled away to his good humour and chat show host alter ego (More Alan Partrige than Wogan).



What Were The Higlights of The Show?

Albert Hoxton: Errrrrrr...this fit girl next to me had like some blondie highlights, she also had some Japanese slave girls called Harry and Chu Chu I think. Am I being interrogated again here? I have already explained why I fled the foreign legion.

Funbongo: The encore?

Penelope Hoxton: Panic, Things You Cannot See (arrr Ghosts!!!), Pick You Up, Waiting For Go, and current single New Ideas are by far their best songs but arguably Clean Up Yours Eyes and Stitches could be up there with the best.




The Dykeenies - Waiting For Go

Who Was There?

Albert Hoxton: People, there were definitely some people there.

Funbongo: I agree, some boys and some girls. I saw a UFO outside so maybe some aliens too.

Penelope Hoxton: Screaming, dancing hotties and lads alike. All respectfully nodding their heads; the impact of the songs clearly packed the punch.



Joss Stone - Tell Me What We're Gonna Do Now Ft Common


What Marks Would You Give Out of 14.4?

Albert:

Funbongo: Albert has left to get his hands waxed. 12.1 I guess, wasn't there but their songs are cool.

Penelope Hoxton: 12.9 - The Dykeenies are what they are and you can like it or lump it because they’re proud of who they are and what they’re bringing from the highlands to a town near you.

Funbongo: Well....Penelope told us.

The Dykeenies - New Ideas (Kissy Sell Out Mix)

Myspace

Website

New Ideas Video