I See You Baby, Shakin' That Rudebox

Groove Armada

Sheik Shiraz Hoxton (Firas?) went to this. Albert and Funbongo were busy stunting on Joes, not giving a muthaphuck and spreading gossip. Here is Sheik Shiraz Hoxton's report from the launch:

Sheik Shiraz Hoxton: Supposedly Mark E. Smith from closed the curtain on one of the most iconic venues in London's music history (Hammersmith Palais) after it was condemned to be demolished on 22nd January 2007.

Closing in April 2007 - Kasabian (Filthy Few's Firas attended this guitar-a-tron - mullet-a-thon session), Jamie T (Funbongo went) and The Good The Bad And The Queen were some of the last to perform.

Albert Z Hoxton: Who is Mark E Smith? What does the E stand for? Egg?

Funbongo: Justin Timberlake was good there last summer

Sheik Shiraz Hoxton Just imagine my shock when yesterday an email 'bombed' its way into my inbox requesting the pleasure of my company at a gig to celebrate the 'launch' of Groove Armada's new album.

Groove Armada - Song 4 Mutya

At first I was convinced it was all a ploy. Were the owners being measly and not willing to 'shell' out for a demolition expert? Did they want some sort of home made jam and honey device that I could potentially conjure up in my garden shed after my training deep in the Pakistani hills?



I wasn't sure, so I decided to play it safe. Instead of donning my full commando Jihad gear, I equipped myself in full civilian gear, akin to those indie kids I see walking round that Camden area. I left my standard issue jacket and rucksack at home for fear of metal detectors and airport style security.

Groove Armada - Feel The Same Ft Angie Stone



Some western band called Groove Armada were playing out some music that made people dance in crazy ways. This was not the familiar Abdhul Wahed 'Greatest Hit's' I became accustomed to during my time in the hills, nor was it the teaching of Abu 'The Spoon' Hamza. The dance moves too seemed very dated; for some reason they did not know how to do the 'Cantanata' nor the '1,2,3 - detonate'. I was met with vacant stares and curious expression when I started whipping these little numbers out.



Groove Armada - Paris

Anyway, this band were equipped with some sort of satellite control pad and what seemed to be screens that sapped the images of the filthy consumerist's in the crowd - girls in bikinis dancing, lights and disco balls were all around; Groove Armada then had the cheek to bring on an infidel by the name of "Mutya" who was once part of some band called "The Sugababes" for their new single.



Disgruntled by the vast displays of flesh, copious consumption of alcohol and sheer lack of respect for my native tongue (there was some guy on stage who seemed really angry and kept talking in a dialect I have yet to study and learn - he said words like 'blud', 'groove armada stylie', 'feeling dat vibe', 'maximisiing' and 'superstylin'. I began to wonder whether I'd been duped into attending some sort of infidel brainwashing session. After casing the joint once last time (and meeting some guy who told me to 'freshen up for the punani' - something I told him was quite premature - I had only reached stage 2 of my master plan and would not be greeting the 99 virgins just yet) I left and headed to the nearest public toilet so that I could wash myself of this terrible filth.

Filthy Few Podcast 15 Download this (is not) shit; its free



Here is the new Joss Stone video. Albert had to upload it to youtube. Unsurprisingly its odd. Once Common and Raphael Saadiaq get involved it makes more sense. Amazing song, brilliant album. We LOVE HER; even though its not 'kool' to do so....

Joss Stone - Tell Me What Your Gonna Do Ft Common

Firas in Kings Cross?

Pharrell and the Yessirs - You Can Do It Too (zShare)

Last week the FBI came over to question Albert about rudebox exposure and the missing Firas, I told them he was at lunch. It was only 9:45am but they fell for it - suckers!!!

Funbongo had a 'hit' from the Pakistan mountains yesterday. Albert was convinced it was Jihad's finest, Firas. We might have been wrong. We think we have spotted him in the video for Filthy Few favourites Cajun Dance Party. Although their dreadful haircuts and absence of style suggests otherwise, its an A-OK song.

Check out 1:38



In case you missed it, which you most certainly did, here is a screenshot of the alleged Firas cameo.




Maroon 5



We went down to see Maroon 5 last night. We didn't have a ticket, Albert hid me under his invisible cloak but we got caught out. Apparently it isn't invisible in Kings Cross. So..... plan B. Plan B was to buy off a ticket lout/tout. The plonker wanted £90 a ticket. After 12 minutes of laughter we told him he was the next Paris Hilton and we wouldn't pay more than £20. He didn't sell them to us.

No great loss, we don't love Maroon 5 anyway. The five songs we have off the new album aren't amazing. The single is good but has a dreadful and expensive video.

The Groove Armada album is quite good. A Funbongo clan member is watching them tonight.

Groove Armada - Get Down (Calvin Harris Mix)

The brilliant Tracey Thorn album has a cover of the Pet Shop Boys on it.

What else?

R Kelly and Usher have made a duet called 'Same Girl'. Its not as creepy as you would expect. Its no classic but not a bad effort either.

There is an amazing Joss Stone remix on iTunes.

Joss Stone - Tell Me 'Bout It (Yam Mix)

Tracey Thorn - Kings Cross

Pet Shop Boys - Kings Cross

Tracey Thorn - Its All True

Tracey Thorn - Its All True (Video)



Saw this at Bug. The next Bug Music Video Event is in July.

Robbie Williams The 80's



Go to this please

Filthy Few Ft DJ Funbongo Live

Come and see if I can sneak some Jossy Stone and Bert Williams into my set.

I will play Lovelight, even if Filthy Few Firas tries to head-butt me again. Some people seemed to think he was trying to kiss me last time. To avoid his violent advances I will hide behind Albert's Malfoy Drako (From Harry Potter of course) Cloak.

Christian K is DJing with us.

Probably some bands too. No Girls Aloud or Fall Out Boy Sadly :(

Joss Kicks Amy and Lily to the curb

USA Billboard Chart Entries

Joss Stone - Introducing Joss Stone = Number 2
Amy Winehouse - Back to Black - Number 7
Lily Allen - Alright Still - Number 20

The UK seems disinterested. However over 100 000 Yanks lapped it up this week, Shucks! All even more impressive given the huge push Universal have given Wino Stateside. Mo' Money Mo' Problems, go where you are loved young Joscelyn.



Ignoring chart positions, we love them all. Amy the least though because she slagged off Joss and was rubbish before she met Mark Ronson. Britain now has the three best 'Urban' female artists in the world. A very debatable claim (we will make it anyway, leave a comment if you disagree).

Albert says

'Is Mika one of dem three girls? Phuck Mary J Blige AKA The most over-rated artist of all time, the Brits gals rule A-OK'

Joss Stone - Girl They Won't Believe It

Ghostface Killah - You Know Im No Good Ft Amy Winehouse

Lily Allen - LDN Live

Here is the strangest content I have seen on iTunes...

Lily Allen - You Get Me (video)
Lily Allen - You're Out Of Luck (video)
Lily Allen - Laters (video)
Lily Allen - He is Just A Flash (video)
Lily Allen - Stop Giving Me Beef (video)
Lily Allen - The Party Was Nang (video)

Mika - Stuck In The Middle

Joss Stone Live... Josstina

God Only Knows

Joss (born '87) is one of those lucky pop stars who can be recognised in musical conversation without their surname. Others include:

Lily...Allen
Mariah...Carey
Conall...Cassidy
Britney...Spears
Shabba...Ranks
Alanis...Morissette
Fat...Joe
Robbie...Williams
Gwen...Stefani
Albert...Hoxton
Kylie...Minogue

Funbongo does not think she has gone all Americano on us



Joss - Put Your Hands On Me



This was the strangest gig of the year with Joss arriving an hour, not two and a half hours late. Sadly for her she was singing to a very skeptical industry heavy crowd. Josshua did herself no favours by naively starting the performance with a collection of new songs the crowd didn't know. The first half of the show was limp (without the Bizkit)



After 45 minutes of confusion and rambling Joss said goodnight and left the stage. The crowd was so disinterested they could barely generate enough noise to inspire the customary encore.



To her credit Joss saved the show with the second half; it was fantastic. She finally played to the crowd by performing some songs they knew. Joss then upped the ante during a 20 minute jamming session with her band; it was world class. Having struggled to adapt to the poor KOKO sound system in the first half, she bossed the stage and showcased the mouthwatering musicianship of her Raphael Saadiq led band. Renditions of 'Son of a Preacher Man' and Luther's 'Never Too Much' finally gave the crowd something to cheer about.



Joss' gig/showcase received a lot of bad press, some of it was justified. I am not really sure why the Winehouse thought she should take shots at Joss during her BBC 1 Session (aired 09/03/07). Those in glass houses Amy...

The BBC session seems to have been filmed on Wednesday, just before Amy Housewine went on the lash and canceled her two London gigs. It was horrible performance, a real let down for her fans. Joss may have played a misguided set but she wasn't drunk and actually wanted to be there.



Step forward Lily, she may not have the voice of Joss or Amy but is the only one who can actually command her live audience.

Lily - LDN Live at Bush Hall



Happily for Joss and Amy their latest albums are great.

Joss seems to becoming a British Christina Aguilera.

They are both annoying when they speak.
They hark back to the great singers of the 60's and 70's.
Since their teens they have been told they are 'the voice of their generation'.
They both fully believe this.
Their albums are a mixture of glorious pop and self-indulgence.
They are often both on the Fashion/Hair police's list of most wanted.

Scarlett Yo Yohansson is Love/Stoned

Things were going swimmingly until...

"Yo I told you not to mention NSTINK, I mean *NSYNC"



What Goes Around...Comes Around (Ode To Elisha Cuthbert, not Britney Spears)



Joss Stone



Joss returns with:

New scarlett red/purple hair = Unnecessary.
Always unheard of but never out played Super Producer Rapahel Saadiq = Genius.
Grown up lyrical content = She rhymes 'real', 'deal' and 'feel'.
A new song called Tell me 'bout it = Perfect
A new album with Saadiq, Common and looney Lauryn Hill = ?

New Video with Raphael in = below



Leave Me Alone (I'm Lonely)

Class of 2006

Here is my top 10 albums of the year. Chosen by 'which I would miss the most if it was taken from me'

1. Justin Timberlake - FutureSex/LoveSounds

As with his classic debt, Tin got two thirds of the way to a perfect album and then ran out of steam. Aided by Timbaland and Danja, Justin conjures up a pop master-class. The first six tracks merge perfectly together, a better first half you will not find (a la Justified). Will-i-am and Rick Rubin rock up later to lift the load from Timbo's shoulders adding a few more sex sounds to Timberlake's compelling sophomore LP.

1. P!nk - I'm not Dead

I couldn't choose between this and JT, he is only listed first because of the alphabet. 'Who Knew', 'U and Ur Hand' and 'Leave Me Alone Im Lonely' are unstoppable pop gems. Add in another nine very strong songs and you have a charming album, far better than her contemporaries. I didn't really like P!nk until I heard this album.

3. Jay-Z - Kingdom Come

There is something not quite right about this but I still can't put it down. I think its because he didn't really want to make this and its still the best rap album of the year. The Neptunes and Kanye West let Hova down but Justin Blaze, the Blazettes, Chris Martin (!?) and Dr Dre make-up for their embarrassment. Enjoy 44 fours live

3. Amy Winehouse - Back to Black

Wow Amy, well done. The best Soul album around. It never gets lost and showcases a talent that needs to be heard. The same style and sound remains through-out the album but because it is beautifully short you never tire of Mark Ronson's production. Needs rehab

5. Christina Aguilera - Back to Basics

Almost amazing, but not. Ruined by Xtina of course. However the first CD still has a collection of interesting pop productions that slide together happily until the last track. Most of CD 2 is terrible but it does have a couple of hits. Quality control and reality check please Christina

6. Lily Allen - Alright Still

The feisty one lived up to the hype and delivered an endearing, strong debut.

7. Nelly Furtado - Loose

Two of the best singles of the year followed up by the magic of Timbaland and Danja give Furtado a good album. It drops off in places and lacks a steady thread but a welcome change of direction by the Canadian Portuguese special lady.


8 Lupe Fiasco - Food and Liquor

A bright hope for the future of hip hop. Well produced, thoughtful songs. His only downfall is his lack of decent humour and slightly contradictory attitude.

9 Nas - Hip Hop is Dead

Essentially one of his better albums. Five or six great tracks which are far better than 99% of the other players.

10 Rhymefest - Blue Collar

Patchy album but pretty good. Rhymefest's personality translates fantastically on wax; somehow he collaborated with Ronson and the late ODB to make 'Build Me Up Buttercup' an enjoyable four minutes.

Here are my most loved songs of 2006, there are 11 of them. This is normal.

1.P!nk - Who Knew. Sounds better with each listen
2. Justin Timberlake - SexyBack- He made us dance again
3. Nelly Furtado - Maneater - Glorious
4. Robbie Williams - Lovelight - A Brand New Heavy, a Ronson and a Robbie is an electrifying combination
5. Pharrell Williams - Number One Ft Kanye West - Should have been a Michael record
6. Jay-Z - Prelude - Classic Jay
7. Amy Winehouse -Tears Dry on their own -Best track off the album
8. Nas - Cant forget about you - Vintage Esco
9. Omarion - Obsession - Probably best Neptunes of the year
10. JC Chasez - Until Yesterday - Marvelous co-writing with JT
10. The Game - Why you hate the Game Ft Nas - Just Blaze takes 'em to church in an epic nine minute adventure.

What to expect in 2007?

Britney - New album we guess. Maybe working with Pharrell, naybe not.



Duran Duran - Three tracks recorded with Timbabland and one with Justin.

Common


Maxwell - Three albums recorded and ready, one would be fine

Mariah Carey - Two albums. Again, just one would be a happy time.

Kylie - It would nice if she actually made a really good album.

D'Angelo - Its about time, lazy man. Two albums in 11 years is lame.

Usher - Working with Robin Thicke and Jay-Z. Lets hope its better then the shit shit shit Confessions album where he took the four best tracks off it because he didn't want to be linked to the Neptunes and therefore Justin...

JC Chasez - Forgotten *NSYNCer, probably be fantastic but get no press. Three tracks produced by Justin and Timbaland

Timbaland Solo Album- Justin, Nelly Furtado, Jay-Z and Elton John all on board

Talib Kweli - Ear Drum project. The four songs I have are good

Mos Def - A return to form

Joss Stone - Worked with Raphael Saadiq and Common, wise move. What I have is very strong

Eve - Its three years late luv

Air -Meant to be good

Bableshambles - I trust Peter

Amerie - First single...

T.I
Fabolous
Ja Rule
Nelly
R Kelly
Foxy Brown?
Mylo?
Basement Jaxx?

Eminem/Fiddy - Who Cares?

N*E*R*D, Dr Dre and Michael Jackson please