A Dash of Kate Nash

Kate Nash



It was Tuesday and boring so Funbongo and Albert went to check out Kate Nash.

Our thoughts before the gig:

Funbongo: Not fussed
Albert Hoxton: I heard sum of her stuff on myTunes and iSpace, not so good. I am going to try and fall asleep behind the drum kit.
Sheik Shiraz Hoxton: Kate Gash
Funbongo: Shhh Shiraz, you weren't alowed in - security was too tight. Considering English isn't your first language you are rude dude.
Albert Hoxton: There are already eight people sleeping behind the drum kit...




Our thoughts during the gig:

Funbongo: Woo! We were wrong, she is amazing.
Albert Hoxton: Kate Nash's warm up girl is hot property.
Funbongo: No Albert, that is Kate Nash.
Albert Hoxton: Shiver me timbers!
Sheik Shiraz Hoxton: This is wife number 46 me says.

Funbongo: Albert, where is the camera?
Albert Hoxton: Don't try this shit again.
Funbongo: You badger, you forgot it. Jesus, Im gonna have to use the old phone. 2 mega-pixies, what is this? Amateur hour?
Albert Hoxton: You should be grateful I remembered me trooousers this time.
Sheik Shiraz Hoxton: Thank Allah for that Albert.



Our thoughts after the gig:

Funbongo: Kate Nash is boom boom boom boombastic say she fantastic.
Albert Hoxton: She says I'm Mr. Ro...mantic say me fantastic, touch me in my back, she say I'm Mr. boom boom.
Sheik Shiraz Hoxton: It wasn't me!
Funbongo: Wrong Shaggy song Shiraz.



Sheik Shiraz Hoxton: It looks like you infidels chefs were wrong about Kate Nash, you might well be wrong about Justice as well. The album is falling all around us and sounds OK.
Albert Hoxton: Word to ya Pappa.



Funbongo: Lets go back the intiweb and listen to her songs again....
Albert Hoxton: They still sound a bit rubbish.
Funbongo: Mmm, apart from 'Birds', yes they do. Bad production?
Albert Hoxton: The album due in September will sound better.

Kate Nash - Birds

Calvin Harris - Girls Video

I See You Baby, Shakin' That Rudebox

Groove Armada

Sheik Shiraz Hoxton (Firas?) went to this. Albert and Funbongo were busy stunting on Joes, not giving a muthaphuck and spreading gossip. Here is Sheik Shiraz Hoxton's report from the launch:

Sheik Shiraz Hoxton: Supposedly Mark E. Smith from closed the curtain on one of the most iconic venues in London's music history (Hammersmith Palais) after it was condemned to be demolished on 22nd January 2007.

Closing in April 2007 - Kasabian (Filthy Few's Firas attended this guitar-a-tron - mullet-a-thon session), Jamie T (Funbongo went) and The Good The Bad And The Queen were some of the last to perform.

Albert Z Hoxton: Who is Mark E Smith? What does the E stand for? Egg?

Funbongo: Justin Timberlake was good there last summer

Sheik Shiraz Hoxton Just imagine my shock when yesterday an email 'bombed' its way into my inbox requesting the pleasure of my company at a gig to celebrate the 'launch' of Groove Armada's new album.

Groove Armada - Song 4 Mutya

At first I was convinced it was all a ploy. Were the owners being measly and not willing to 'shell' out for a demolition expert? Did they want some sort of home made jam and honey device that I could potentially conjure up in my garden shed after my training deep in the Pakistani hills?



I wasn't sure, so I decided to play it safe. Instead of donning my full commando Jihad gear, I equipped myself in full civilian gear, akin to those indie kids I see walking round that Camden area. I left my standard issue jacket and rucksack at home for fear of metal detectors and airport style security.

Groove Armada - Feel The Same Ft Angie Stone



Some western band called Groove Armada were playing out some music that made people dance in crazy ways. This was not the familiar Abdhul Wahed 'Greatest Hit's' I became accustomed to during my time in the hills, nor was it the teaching of Abu 'The Spoon' Hamza. The dance moves too seemed very dated; for some reason they did not know how to do the 'Cantanata' nor the '1,2,3 - detonate'. I was met with vacant stares and curious expression when I started whipping these little numbers out.



Groove Armada - Paris

Anyway, this band were equipped with some sort of satellite control pad and what seemed to be screens that sapped the images of the filthy consumerist's in the crowd - girls in bikinis dancing, lights and disco balls were all around; Groove Armada then had the cheek to bring on an infidel by the name of "Mutya" who was once part of some band called "The Sugababes" for their new single.



Disgruntled by the vast displays of flesh, copious consumption of alcohol and sheer lack of respect for my native tongue (there was some guy on stage who seemed really angry and kept talking in a dialect I have yet to study and learn - he said words like 'blud', 'groove armada stylie', 'feeling dat vibe', 'maximisiing' and 'superstylin'. I began to wonder whether I'd been duped into attending some sort of infidel brainwashing session. After casing the joint once last time (and meeting some guy who told me to 'freshen up for the punani' - something I told him was quite premature - I had only reached stage 2 of my master plan and would not be greeting the 99 virgins just yet) I left and headed to the nearest public toilet so that I could wash myself of this terrible filth.

Filthy Few Podcast 15 Download this (is not) shit; its free



Here is the new Joss Stone video. Albert had to upload it to youtube. Unsurprisingly its odd. Once Common and Raphael Saadiaq get involved it makes more sense. Amazing song, brilliant album. We LOVE HER; even though its not 'kool' to do so....

Joss Stone - Tell Me What Your Gonna Do Ft Common

Firas in Kings Cross?

Pharrell and the Yessirs - You Can Do It Too (zShare)

Last week the FBI came over to question Albert about rudebox exposure and the missing Firas, I told them he was at lunch. It was only 9:45am but they fell for it - suckers!!!

Funbongo had a 'hit' from the Pakistan mountains yesterday. Albert was convinced it was Jihad's finest, Firas. We might have been wrong. We think we have spotted him in the video for Filthy Few favourites Cajun Dance Party. Although their dreadful haircuts and absence of style suggests otherwise, its an A-OK song.

Check out 1:38



In case you missed it, which you most certainly did, here is a screenshot of the alleged Firas cameo.




Maroon 5



We went down to see Maroon 5 last night. We didn't have a ticket, Albert hid me under his invisible cloak but we got caught out. Apparently it isn't invisible in Kings Cross. So..... plan B. Plan B was to buy off a ticket lout/tout. The plonker wanted £90 a ticket. After 12 minutes of laughter we told him he was the next Paris Hilton and we wouldn't pay more than £20. He didn't sell them to us.

No great loss, we don't love Maroon 5 anyway. The five songs we have off the new album aren't amazing. The single is good but has a dreadful and expensive video.

The Groove Armada album is quite good. A Funbongo clan member is watching them tonight.

Groove Armada - Get Down (Calvin Harris Mix)

The brilliant Tracey Thorn album has a cover of the Pet Shop Boys on it.

What else?

R Kelly and Usher have made a duet called 'Same Girl'. Its not as creepy as you would expect. Its no classic but not a bad effort either.

There is an amazing Joss Stone remix on iTunes.

Joss Stone - Tell Me 'Bout It (Yam Mix)

Tracey Thorn - Kings Cross

Pet Shop Boys - Kings Cross

Tracey Thorn - Its All True

Tracey Thorn - Its All True (Video)



Saw this at Bug. The next Bug Music Video Event is in July.

Robbie Williams The 80's



Go to this please

Pharoahe-f**kin-Monch, Ain't A Damn Thang Changed

Huzzah!

Two outstanding Hip-Hop albums in two weeks. Is rap back?

Funbongo: Maybe, almost, lets see what Kanye, Lupe Fiasco, Common, Rhymefest and Talib Kweli deliver this year...

Lupe Fiasco - I gotcha - Live Instrument Mix (zshare)

Albert: Oui, y not? It never left, it just had a quick sleepy bye bye. Is Tom Cruise back? When is Cocktail 2 coming out? I heard TomKat has persuaded Martin Clunes and Neil Morrisey from 'Men Behaving Badly' to star. Dame Judy Dench is signed up to duet with Dizzee Rascal on the soundtrack.

Pharoahe Monch is a brilliant rapper. Some of you may have heard his debut album Internal Affairs. It was released 1999 and was criminally deleted. It is an absolute pain in the rudebox to get hold of. Its going for $55 on Amazon and £45 on Play

You cannot buy it digitally online (correct me if I am wrong) so here is the best track off it.

Pharoahe Monch - The Light (zshare)

Here is a fantastic cameo of his on Amy Winehouse - Rehab Remix (zshare)



Here is a track from the Pharrell vs The Roots album that seems set to never get released. The album is called 'Out My Mind'

Pharrell and The Yessirs - Number One Ft Kanye West

This summer Pharoahe releases this:

Desire



Intro
Free
Desire
Push
Welcome To The Terror Dome
What It Is
When The Gun Draws
Let's Go
Body Baby
Bar Tap
Hold On
So Good
The Trilogy

Funbongo is lucky enough to have a copy and it is worth the 8 year wait since his last album.

Buy it here

There is some great Pharoahe Monch stuff on iTunes...

Sergio Mendes - Loose Ends Ft Justin Timbalake, Pharoahe Monch and Will-i-am

Mos Def - Oh No Ft Pharoahe Monch and Nate Dogg

Miri Ben Ari - New World Symphony Ft Pharoahe Monch

Dj Jazzy Jeff

This is the best hip hop album we have heard in a long while.

DJ Jazzy Jeff - Return Of The Magnificent

Hip Hop - feat. Twone Gabz
Let Me Hear U Clap - feat. Pos
Run That Back - feat. Eshon Burgundy / Black Ice
Definition - feat. Kel Spencer
Touch Me Wit Ur Handz - feat. China Black
Jeff 'N' Fess - feat. Rhymefest
Practice - feat. J-Live
Supa Jean - feat. Jean Grae
Garden - feat. Big Daddy Kane
She Was So Fly - feat. Kardinal Offishall
Hold It Down - feat. Method Man
All I Know - feat. CL Smooth
Go See The Doctor 2k7 - feat. Twone Gabz
My Soul Ain't For Sale - feat. Raheem DeVaughn
Come On - feat. Dave Ghetto
Brand New Funk 2k7 - feat. Peedi Peedi


Buy it here

Albert Hoxton Exposed

Full Name: Alberto Winthorpe Tryrant Magaret Teri Hatcher Hoxton Senior GQ Esquire Tha Third.

AKA: The Gordon Ramsey of Rap.

Titles: Sir, MBE, Dr (received an honory PHD in *NYSNC studies from Shoreditch High Skool), Professor, Dame and Prince (co-orinated in '74; year of the Rudebox)



Born: On the 4th of July in Casino Royale (Monaco), either in 1442 or 1984 - there is evidence to support both.

Mother: Unknown but some historians have traced his family tree back to Ron Burgandy.

Favourite Tube Station: Canada Water, its clean and has a good number of emergency exits. There is no water though.



Father: Again, unknown. Tom from Myspace thinks there is a fair-good chance it is Maddox Jolie Pitty.

Confirmed Family Members: Penelope Hoxton, Alfie Allen, Picasso, Disco, Brooklyn Beckham, Dickie Van Horton, ACDC, Willie Mason, Willie Fogg and Willie Thorne and The Pet Shop Boys.

Ex-Wife: Ophelia Hoxton, she left him because he kept calling her Robbie whilst ordering her to 'do the Rudebox'.



Arch Enemies: The Archie Bronson Outfit, Akon (apart the India.aire and Gwen songs), Eminem (post 2003), A Arctic Monkeys (so cool they drop the 'The' before their useless asses), Harry Potter (go Drako Malfoy), Bar Kelly (a drinking establishment that has banned R Kelly records), Most of Clapham, FACEBOOK and Hedge funds.

Properties: Albert House near Old Street Tube



The Royal Albert House



Lords Cricket Ground

Folsom Prison

Camp (Craig) David

A flat on Booty Street in Hoxton



Skills: Skinny dipping, Rudebox, tax dodging, croquet, France, pencil sharperning, clapping, google?, Kelly Morris dancing and slam dunking the funk.



Weaknesses: His left arm in the gym, slip fielding, Savage Garden, galaxy chocolate bars and pollen.



Criminal Record: 'Bert spent three years in a Japanese laundry for jaywalking backwards (naked) and calling the King of Japan a mong mong.

Heroes: DJ Tam Tam



Known Albert Quotes

'Don't forget your hair straighteners'

'Cricket is for lovers'

'Bingo!'

'Shiver me timbers'

'Hotel, motel, holiday Inn'

'Life is a rollercoaster'

'60% of the time, it works everytime'

'PIMPing ain't easy, most of it freaks me every night'

Salary: 500 French Francs a minute paid direct into a Welsh bank account.

Favourite Tipple: Ribeena with a slash of squid.

Siobhan & Co

Siobhan Donaghy - Ghosts

Another week and another former Sugababe. This is time is was Pop Justice Live with Siobahan and some other jokers. Albert was 'breaking necks' all over the shop; unfortunately for him they were mainly men.

The crowd was fired up and full of energy, here is the the lo-down:

Booty Luv

Funbongo: Couldn't summon the energy to get out of my chair to watch them, hence no pictures. Sounded ok, you can't really beat Tweet.

Albert: No, you should never beat a woman.

Funbongo: I meant you shouldn't cover Tweet's Boogie Tonight.

The Real Heat



Funbongo: Yes, by this stage it was about 49 degrees in the shade. The flyer said they are getting loads of buzz in East London.

Albert: Yes, I think I have seen them hanging out in Whitechapel late on a Friday. For £8.50 you can get them to...

Funbongo: Albert stop!

Albert: Prude

Funbongo: They were very entertaining and Firas has booked them for a night.

Albert: What will his girlfriend say? They are also performing at the Filthy Few on May 10th at Bar Music Hall.

BWO



Funbongo: The pictures say it all.



Albert: Did I like? No, no so much. Entertaining in a scary way, like a horror film.

Siobhan



Funbongo: Brilliant, great voice.

Albert: Better performer and much fitter than Mutya. Mutya has better songs though.

Funbongo: Hey Bert, didn't you steal her water bottle from the stage?

Albert: Yes, yes I did. She had only half drunk it. This means that we have almost snogged. Take a look below. I turned the label from the bottle round so you can't see the make. We don't believe in product placement.



Funbongo: I am not sure that counts as a snog, I also heard she was a lesbian and so may not fancy you.

Albert: I like a challenge.

Siobhan Donaghy - Givin' In



Mutya or Siobhan?

Funbongo: Mutya just. Both albums sound a lot better then anything The Sugababes have ever managed.

Albert: Both



Siobhan Donaghy - Don't Give it Up

Rudebox '74

Albert is so happy about Robbie's Rudebox being nominated for an Ivor Novello award that he doing the fandango.

Most people hate the Rudebox album. Most people haven't heard the Rudebox album. We only liked two songs when we fist listened. Now we love eight.

Industry rumours suggest that Robbie will release another swing album at Christmas to win back the housewives. Robbie please don't; release a RudeboxEMO album instead. I also read 50 Cent's people had been in touch with him, mmmmm.

The Rudebox lyrics are absolutely priceless. The guy is a genius, they are hilarious. Here are some of our favourites:

Rudebox



Good Doctor





just hurt me leg its not terminal
But a pain killer could help for whats wrong with my knee
And I'm a little bit down from too much tea
Got me own collection can't get an erection
If I take em' too long they'll fuck me complextion
That's right If I take em for like more than a few days I get that haunted look
Give me loads of pills

The Actor




Keep On Ft Lily Allen

Hotel motel Holiday Inn
Hotel motel Holiday Inn
Hotel motel

Croups crouping
Roots rooting
Ludes looting
Loops hooping
Got no strings but I think with my dingalingaling
Two two for the two ting tong ting two stonking
Two's two
Looks luking
Fruits fruiting
Sleuths sleuthing
Got no strings I think with my dingalingaling
Root root for the rooting
Toot toot for the tooting

The 90's

"Boys I don't believe it, I'm gonna be famous!
Pick you up in a Porsche and buy you lots of trainers."
I met the other guys, one seemed like a cock
I think it's gonna be like New Kids on The Block

Now we're famous and that, and we're dancing and that
And I'm thinking "I can't see! Why am I stood at the back?"
So fuck the band give me some gak.

DJ Tam Tam LIVE

Yes! we can confirm the beautiful DJ Tam Tam is playing at The Filthy Few next month.

Albert just fainted.

Saturday 19th May

The Young Folks Disco. Peter Bjorn and John Live!

Guest Blog From the Beautiful Raver Disco

In the absence of FunBongo and Albert, Disco was joined by Maniac, Chappers and the good Shepherd to see some cool swedes getting hot and sweaty in Camdens's Koko. Despite being initially distracted by the giant disco ball Disco was soon captivated by the dashing young Swedish men, Peter, Bjorn & John.



(Disco disco...eyes on the stage!!)

Having been to see several swedish singing sensations of late I'm beginning to think that Swedes have more fun. The boys had boundless energy reserves, belting out songs from the last 3 albums and leaping around the stage looking like they didn't have a care in the world.

Charlotte Gainsbourg - AF607105

The girls were expecting some mellow tunage akin to the Young Folks track so we were pleasantly surprised when the boys rocked out with some of their new tracks - I swear I caught Maniac and Chappers busting some air guitar half way through the gig...



(Peter - he's so CUTE!!!)



FunBongo would have loved the live bongo's on Young Folks - the crowd went wild and the rhythmically challenged girl in front was a cause of concern for all of us...Peter jumped into the crowd with the microphone for the whistling part...he looked to be heading for Disco but was stopped in his tracks when Albert streaked across the stage (completely unexpected but most definitely the highlight of the evening). Encouraged by Peter (whose love of attention is actually very endearing), some superb crowd involvement followed, which was met with much laughter from the other boys. Great stuff.



Stylewise they didn't disappoint (the boys were much more on trend than Robyn whose dress sense still gives me nightmares). The only improvement could have been for the beautiful Peter to be wearing those same tight white pants that the Air boys are so partial too...

(Fun Bongo - please insert photo here of said white pants...just so I can re-live the memory - merci!)



All in all a super night - great music, hot swedes and a giant disco ball.

Buy the album!!! errrrr The Album



Charlotte Gainsbourg - Set Yourself On Fire

The Charlotte Gainsbourg Album 5:55 - Music by Air, produced by Nigel Godrich (Air, Beck and Radiohead...) and lyrics from Jarvis Cocker. Fantastico.

Biggie Interlude

I have been looking for this version of 'Real Niggas' for 10 years.

Jay-Z probably wouldn't be my favouite rapper if Biggie had lived on to make more than just two albums. I exclude all the posthumous mismash albums that Diddydo has churned out in the last decade. God bless Diddy, he taken it a little far though.

The vocals from this track were later used on the Duran Duran fueled Notorious.

Here is The Notorious B.I.G - Real Niggas (zshare)

April Filthy Few Ft DJ Funbongo Live

Back once again for the Renegade Master. Yes The DJ Funbongo show returned with some bands. It was, of course, the mighty Filthy Few Live in Hoxton.

Albert popped his collar so hard that the bone came out and we had ram it back in. There were high-fives a plenty and free marmite all night behind the bar. Firas obviously drank vodka and gravy with an umbrella (an obvious tribute to the new Rhianna/Jay-Z track). The girls went. Yes, they all went after Albert's Rudebox fell out his trooooooousers (that's Scottish).

DJ Funbongo Setlist


Jaguar Skills - Wogan Theme
Amy Winehouse - Rehab DED Mix
Justice - D.A.N.C.E
Calvin Harris - Rock Band
Joss Stone - Tell me 'bout it
Blur - Charmless Man
LL Cool J - Lougin'
Calvin Harris - Love For You





What? we didn't intend to play two CH songs but a girl asked for it so...

Don't remember what else. The set had to stopped early for autograph signing.

Christian K played another high callibre eclectic magical set. Big Boss Firas, who has gone AWOL, played Renegade Master and two other Calvin Harris songs that FunBongo didn't play. No-one has seen Firas since.

He did mention (in an erry camp voice) the words Pakistan, and training.

Someone said they saw him outside Daniel Radcliffe's changing room but that's unconfirmed.

There are also conspiracy theories abound that Albert kidnapped him to allow the release of Funbongo's Britney Spears CD collection at Filthy Few nights. Who knows...




Hearts of Black Sceince


Funbongo: Well, ummm. The beef burger I ate for din dins was really good, it had a lot of hustle (and some chips too).

Albert: Yeah yeah The Hearts of Black Sceince, them dudes, errr yeah. I just need to return some video tapes.

Firas: Im AWOL




The Downfall of Paris

Funbongo: OK. Soma likes them.

Albert: Not as good as Jamiroquai.

Firas: geeeeeeeeeeehad, Albert untie me now!!!




Middleman

Funbongo: Up to their tip top standard. A live treat indeed.

Albert: Bravo to them, it was sad their set got cut short. Would have liked to have heard a cover of Elton John Rocket Man.

Firas: I'll be back.



Download Filthy Few Podcast please thank you - its free with lots of good music.

The next one is: 10th May @ Bar Music Hall in Shoreditch

Middleman Myspace

Downfall of Paris Myspace

Hearts of Black Science Myspace