FunBongo

2009-02-24T16:35:00.001Z

Master Shortie Dance Like A White Boy OFFICIAL VIDEO from Joey Swarbrick on Vimeo.

Yeeeeeeeeeeh Man!!!!!!!!!

2008-01-26T01:07:00.001Z

Master Shortie and Filly

2007-12-03T16:09:00.000Z

www.myspace.com/mastershortie

www.myspace.com/sliideshowfilly

The Roc Boys Doolittle

2007-11-07T19:55:00.000Z

Funbongo: Jigga, Diddy, Nas, Mariah, Rick Ross, DJ Clue and a girl being sick.

Albert: ill

Jay-Z "Roc Boys"

DOWNLOAD OUR MUSIC NOW!
high quality downloads, to try before you buy

Eliza Doolittle

Rolling Stone
192 Kbps; 5125394 bytes;

Ego (Demo)
192 Kbps; 5528054 bytes;

Don't Say No
192 Kbps; 5000122 bytes;

Bang Back (Demo)
192 Kbps; 4651150 bytes;

Requires WMP 10 or higher. GET IT HERE

Peter Shambles Surprise 'Hello"

2007-10-15T20:46:00.001Z

Funbongo: Still smell crack on his clothes...

Albert Hoxton: Not Peter, you mean Andy Winehouse?

Yoav

2007-09-10T09:53:00.000Z

Spin Spin Sugar

2007-08-25T17:39:00.001Z

Today 1:40PM BBC NEWS 24

2007-08-21T11:13:00.000Z

The Only Rock Star I Like

2007-08-20T22:39:00.000Z

Albert Hoxton: Better than the rest
Funbongo: You like Darren Hayes too.
Albert Hoxton: Oh yeah. Darren Hayes and Peter Doherty are Savage Baby Garden Shambles.

Darren Hayes - Me, Myself and (I) - iTunes

You Gotta Love Westwood

2007-08-19T09:49:00.000Z

Albert Hoxton: Vivienne?
Funbongo: No, Tim.
Albert Hoxton: Ah yes, the most enthusiastic man in Hip Hop...

Kanye West - Champion

2007-08-17T13:43:00.001Z

Albert Hoxton: He's alright but he's not real, Jay-Z's that deal.
Funbongo: We do still love Jay but Kanye is his 'little brother'
Albert Hoxton: OK, Kanye is hella good tu.

Funbongo: BUY KANEEZY GRAUATION AND PUT FIDDIE OUT OF BUZINESS PLEASE

Timbaland is a Scientologist

2007-08-05T19:10:00.000Z

Funbongo: Timbo is getting his Minority Report Cruise shit on.
Albert Hoxton: Respect

50 and Justin to the Timberlake - She Wants it

Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows leak

2007-07-17T22:11:00.000Z

JK's (sadly not from Jamiroquai) last Harry Potter book has leaked over the web.

Funbongo: Not seen/read number 5 yet.
Albert Hoxton: Reading ain't for me. I heard in a public toilet that in the last book that Potter comes out the closet; Will Young is lined up to play him in the film
Funbongo: Harry is a Wario, its all about Drako Malfroy.
Albert Hoxton: Drako rules ok.

We ain't gonna spoil it/get sued by JK

Love Stoned?

2007-07-11T22:30:00.001Z

Funbongo: Professional Justin
Albert Hoxton: 23000 people there, what do you expect?
Funbongo: To be able to see!
Albert Hoxton: C'est lu tru
Funbongo: Is that Frencais?
Albert Hoxton: We. Its a tribute to the new Justice Remix of 'LoveStoned'

Funbongo: So.... If you go to the o2 Arena in foggy London Town don't stand, you will only see half the show.
Albert Hoxton: Could be a problem if you are going to see the 3 foot tall Prince(cess) who claims 'Sexy Never left'. Nice one Prince, pipe down fruitcake.

Who's ya daddy? Joe Cocker?

2007-07-07T11:46:00.000Z

On Wednesday night Funbongo and Albert Hoxton witnessed FutureLoveSexSounds in a Dome. Across town Ophelia Hoxton went to see Joe Cocker at the Tower of London, really? No really.

Over to you Ophelia:

Yo

So after swimming around in mud for days on end at Glastonbury I decided to be slightly more refined and go to see Joe Cocker, VIP style.

The champagne reception went down very well, as did the meal cooked by Gary Rhodes. I did try and get a photo of the food but Gary was a bit precious about it.

After being given a complimentary poncho (which I'll be taking to Glasto 2008) and a blanket, we were escorted to our seats by a Beefeater. He was really old, a bit doddery - not too unlike most of the members of the audience to be honest. One major bonus of being a VIP was the port-a-loos; no more mud soaked, piss covered toilets for Ophelia (like at home) - these were properly posh spice. Molton Brown soap and everything, even tissue paper not last thursday's Metro.

So ol' Joe came on and was just a bit lovely. He's a bit like your granddad, with a band and better clothes.

Highlights

Love lifts Us Up Where We Belong. Ophelia got so overwhelmed she nearly cried. With a Little Help From My Friends went down pretty well too.

Lowlights

You Can Leave Your Hat On - the ginger haired singer nearly got very carried away and did a siptease. Luckily no-one was watching her. Also, the woman in front of me had a MASSIVE ASS and got up to dance during the last song. That was NOT PLEASANT.

Rating out of 14.6:

9.8. Joe was good fun but doesn't really float Ophelia's boat.

Joe Cocker - You Are So Beautiful To Me (iTunes Plus)

Rudebox Hero is Bizack!?

2007-07-05T16:11:00.000Z

Funbongo: The Nu Robbie song?
Albert Hoxton: Papa's home?

Something rather wonderful from Darren Hayes

Chrisette

Blud, Don't Make Me Go Old Skool

2007-07-04T07:01:00.000Z

Funbongo: This song is fantastic, the video is acceptable.
Albert Hoxton: Not sure how I feel about the editing of the main part of the song, they have taken the chorus out!
Funbongo: They make up for it slightly with the brilliant little scratchalude at about 2:28.
Albert Hoxton: Fix Up Look Sharp 2007
Funbongo: His name is Dizzee-biz

Dizzee Rascal - P*ssyole/Old Skool (iTunes)

Maroon Kanye

2007-07-03T15:31:00.000Z

Check in after 1 Minute 50

Happy Birthday Funbongo!

2007-07-02T19:16:00.000Z

Albert Hoxton: I got you tickets to see P!nk in August.
Funbongo: Bravo! Whammy! Chop!

Prince Kanye

2007-07-02T17:40:00.001Z

iTunes Chart Hustle

2007-07-01T12:49:00.000Z

Albert Hoxton: Thank Zeus, I thought Rihanna was going to be there forever ever ever.

Kate Nash - Foundations (iTunes)

The Chemical Brothers

2007-06-30T15:12:00.000Z

New album (We Are The Night - out 2nd July) is very funbongo.

Albert Hoxton: The other day I was chopping around Hoxton Square and I saw what is displayed in the picture below. It might be the greatest form of advertising ever.

The Chemical Brothers - Do it Again Ft Ali Love (iTunes Plus)

Natasha Bedingfield Live!

2007-06-30T13:07:00.000Z

Natasha Bedingfield - I Wanna Have Your Babies (Albert) Live

Funbongo: We won these, it was in the LDN Apple Store.
Albert Hoxton: The 'Genius Bar', where you go to for 'Apple help', didn't serve any beer. This was simply wrong.
Funbongo: Last time I went to the 'Genius Store' they told me the problem I was encountering with iTunes video playback was a 'glitch' and I was amazing for spotting it; this didn't help the problem...
Albert Hoxton: We got these cards with 10 free iTunes downloads which was Coolio and the bing bang bong.
Funbongo: No flash photography was allowed so video only for this one.
Albert Hoxton: Oh chop! I thought they said no flashing, I would have flashed me rudebox at Tash had I known...

Natasha Bedingfield - Unwritten Live

Natasha Bedingfield - Soulmate Live

Natasha Bedingfield - These Words Live

Natasha Bedingfield - Say It Again

Natasha Bedingfield - NB (iTunes Album)

Prince Sticks It To The Man One More Time

2007-06-30T12:00:00.000Z

From Billboard

Paul Quirk, co-chairman of the U.K.'s Entertainment Retailers Association, used his keynote speech yesterday at the London Calling conference to condemn the latest "covermount." Having said the news "beggars belief," he added, "If it turns out to be the case, The Artist formerly known as Prince should know that with behavior like this, he will soon be the Artist Formerly Available in Record Stores."

Like he gives a chop! Records stores are imploding.

Oh poor SonyBMG, oh poor industry.

Prince wins.

Prince fans win.

The Daily Mail, not SonyBMG, Win.

As long as the artist and the fans win, who cares about the middle man; be it the Daily Mail or sonyBMG. Good work Prince.

Prince - Guitar (itunes)

Albert Hoxton: I will be up early tomorrow to get meee Daily Mail and Prince CD

Kanye West - Stronger Ft Daft Punk

2007-06-27T07:28:00.000Z

Funbongo: Its sort of like the 50 Cent 'In daaaaaaaa Club' video. Cassie (the R+B girl, not that sheep from Neighbours)is fit.

Albert Hoxton: Its sort of like the Daft Punk 'Harder Better Faster Stronger' Video. Cassie (the R+B girl, not that sheep from Neighbours)is fit.

Amy Amy

2007-06-26T22:04:00.000Z

Amy Winehouse - Tears Dry On Their Own

Our favourite Winehouse song.

Big News!

2007-06-25T22:47:00.000Z

I am as happy as Joss. Bye bye corporate hell, Hello music industry

Thank you

Common - The People

2007-06-22T20:01:00.000Z

Oh my God Ronson, not a good video...

Calvin, tell 'them' to Fuck off!

2007-06-20T21:55:00.001Z

Albert Hoxton: JK and Faithless did.
Funbongo: Calvin Harris has a moan and we agree with him.

Click on the picture to enlarge

Calvin Harris MySpace

Calvin's album on iTunes

PS the new Prince song 'Guitar' is quite fun.

Gym Class Heroes

Daft Punk Live!

2007-06-19T22:10:00.000Z

Funbongo: Wow
Albert Hoxton: Thank you

Funbongo: Not you, Daft Punk.
Albert Hoxton: They made the O2 Wireless credible and gave it some much needed heart.

The Best things about the O2 Wireless
(Albert doesn't like even numbers)

1. Daft Punk (sporting their 'encore' outfits here)

3. Mistakenly walking into the V.I.P after Daft Punk's set, getting three FREE Beers and talking to Just Jack about w@nking. We made him laugh and probably scared him a bit, nice chap.

5. Easily getting to the front.

7. The Beer tents were quick.

9. Having chicken nuggets and chips two nights in a row.

11. Hanging out with Albert's sister Penelope and Joe.

13. Getting Shake Shiraz to buy us a beer.

15. These:

Daft Punk - Face To Face/Harder Better Faster Stronger/One More Time

Daft Punk - Technologic VS Oh Yeah!

Worst Things about the O2 Wireless

1. Some joker burning Penelope Hoxton's hair. :(

3. Alex Greenwald performing two shit songs during Ronson's set.

5. Losing my phone.

7. The lack of atmosphere.

9. CSS being on the main stage ahead of Calvin Harris or Klaxons.

11. James LCD Soundsystem wearing the same T-shirt as here

Screen shots from the Kanye/Daft Punk Video from Fader

Daft Punk - Music Sounds Better With You Vs Together

Daft Punk - Together Vs One More Time

Daft Punk - Around the World - iTunes Plus

LCD Soundsystem - All My Friends (Franz Ferdinand Version) - iTunes Plus

Calvin Harris - Acceptable in the 80's - iTunes

Daft Punk - Aerodynamic Ft One More Time - iTunes Plus

Daft Punk - Harder Better Faster Stronger (Neptunes Mix) - iTunes Plus

Rihanna anna anna - Shut up and Drive

Double Cheese Burger

2007-06-19T21:07:00.000Z

Our Kelly and Your Usher

Timbaland

Radiohead

2007-06-18T10:46:00.000Z

FIlthy Few Bootleg CD!!!

2007-06-17T18:50:00.000Z

Get yourself a copy here

Funbongo: Its the shit
Snoop Dogg: Its the shiznit
Milkshake Shiraz: Its off the Craig David
Albert Hoxton: Now That's What I Call Music!

Click here to see a bigger version of the picture below

Tracey Thorn

2007-06-17T18:35:00.000Z

Her beautiful video

Tracey Thorn - Raise The Roof - iTunes Plus

Faith without Wires

2007-06-17T12:25:00.000Z

Jack Jack

Funbongo: Just Jack is Funbongo's popstar of the year. Why? Because he loves it. The Wireless festival suffers from a lack of atmosphere. It was sunny and early in the day, most of the crowd were not there to see Just Jack. However, by the end of the set everyone was converted to the ways of Jack by his sheer enthusiasm and wonderful band

Just Jack - No Time Live at O2 Wireless

Albert Hoxton: 9.2 out of 11.

Kelis

...looked amazing. Unfortunately, her vocals were too low and she completely messed up her setlist. Why did you play album tracks in a 8 song set? You have about 8 hits; play them.

Kelis - Lil' Star Live at O2 Wireless

Albert Hoxton: 6.6 out of 11.

Mark Ronson

The jury is still out. Is he anything more than just a covers band live? Does he actually play anything on that guitar he carries? Is there any point without Lily, Amy and Robbie?

Mark Ronson - Stop Me Ft Daniel Merriweather Live at O2 Wireless

Well... he was enjoyable. Daniel Merriweather was fantastic. Alex Greenwald sang their Radiohead cover joyously and then undid all his good work by performing two rubbish songs no-one cared about.

Albert Hoxton: 7.3 out of 11.

Faithless

We don't actually know many of their songs but the band were entertaining and Insomnia was brilliant. God is a DJ was also a highlight.

Faithless - God is a DJ Live at O2 Wireless

Albert Hoxton: 7.2 out of 11

Faithless - Last This Day - iTunes

Faithless - Mass Destruction - iTunes

One Giant Leap - My Culture (Robbie Williams and Maxi Jazz from Faithless) - iTunes

Mark Ronson - The Only One I Know Ft Robbie Williams - iTtunes

Kelis - Caught Out There - iTunes

Just Jack - No Time - iTunes

Justice D.A.N.C.E Party

2007-06-17T11:10:00.000Z

Albert and Milkshake Shiraz went to see the Frenchies play. Instead of writing a report they made a video. They broke the setting on the camera so its all in black and white. Watch out for Shiraz getting thrown out of V.I.P at the end.

Justice D.A.N.C.E Party. Music by DJ Vibe and Max Bararia

2007-06-16T09:15:00.000Z

Fall Out Boy

Pharoahe Monch Live

2007-06-13T21:54:00.000Z

Pharoahe Monch - Rehab (Amy Winehouse) Live

This guy is a phantom. He has been in hip hop hiding since last century but when he finally appeared it was worth the wait.

Funbongo: A fine live band and accomplished MCing display from the quasi-Egyptian.
Albert Hoxton: Good pimping, shame it was in Camden. It was nice of De La Soul to come on stage at the end.

Funbongo: The backing singer was actually insane, he was extremely talented but battied around stage like Sisqo on crack.
Albert Hoxton: He missed out a couple of songs out we wanted to hear but was generally on point.

SPOT THE DUMB TYPO! WILL FIX WHEN MEEEEEE GETTTS HOMES AIGGGGGGGGGHT

Marks Out of 4:

Funbongo and Albert Hoxton: 3.01

Read About Pharoahe Monch's wonderful new album here

Pharoahe Monch - Body Baby - iTunes

Jamiroquai - Seven Days in Sunny June - iTunes

Stop Moaning You Were Never Going To Like it

2007-06-13T21:05:00.001Z

Justin Timberlake - LoveStoned

2007-06-12T22:09:00.000Z

Funbongo: Great song, not liking the video.
Albert Hoxton: Shut upa ya face.

Justin Timberlake - LoveStoned - iTunes

What Is It With Amy Live?

2007-06-12T21:53:00.000Z

Mos Def does his best to save it but its still upsetting to see Wino stutter live. We love Amy almost unconditionally but...

Fucking up on the BBC

Its gets worse here, poor Charlotte Church

Something else

Sebastien Tellier - La Ritournelle

Darren Hayes Live!

2007-06-11T08:56:00.001Z

Darren Hayes - Random Blinking Light - iTunes

We only know three fans of Darren Hayes. Funbongo, Albert Hoxton and Katy-Ellen's mum. More people should like him; he is amazing. As it is our blog we are going to blog the shit of this gig because we want to (what up Billie Piper?).

Dazza was performing in a small bar in Soho, he was kindly previewing his new album due out in August. Here is what happened:

Albert Hoxton: He had great chat. He spoke of how the album wasn't about him being a gaylord. The crowd was full of older women and gayers, there was a lot of love.

Darren Hayes - Step into the light Video

|

Funbongo: D Man told us how he married a man from Nottingham, he was also very honest about how SonyBMG dropped him from his record deal. SonyBMG are smart cookies; they dumped Hayes but signed Chico. They are also down with technology; they copy-protect their CD's, let Universal nab Maroon 5, only promote albums by established artists if they are 'Greatest Hits' and make amazing blogs about signing bands online. I really love them.

Albert Hoxton: He performed loads of new stuff that sounded brilliant, a few duffers from his last album and two Savage Garden songs.

Funbongo: One of the new songs can be heard here at PopJustice. It puts any of the camp disco that Jake Shears has been responsible for over the last few years to shame.

Albert Hoxton: Dazza was ill, he had the flu but it didn't affect his voice or performance.
Funbongo: A true showman.

Marks Out of 16.8

Funbongo and Albert Hoxton in unison: 15

Darren Hayes - I don't know you anymore

Speaking of SonyBMG, here is the US video for Mark Ronson - Stop Me - iTunes

More Amazing Kate Nash

2007-06-10T15:52:00.001Z

Foundations

The only Arctic Monkeys we love

2007-06-10T14:47:00.000Z

Flourescent Adolescent

Dizzee Rascal Live!

2007-06-10T10:11:00.001Z

Dizzee Rascal

He certainly is just a rascal. Young Dizzee only played two songs before leaving to go to bed; it was a skoolNite after all.

We explained last week how good his new album is so there isn't much more to say.

He performed:

Dizzee Rascal - Flex - iTunes
Dizzee Rascal - Pussyole (old Skool) - iTunes

Albert Hoxton's Favourite Dizzee Lyrics

Fix Up, Look Sharp - iTunes

OOOOIII!!
ha ha ha ha ahaha ahahaha
yea!

STTUUUPID!

...Flushin MC's down the loo,
If you dont believe me bring your posse, bring your crew,
Feel free to hate cos i ain't tryin-a be your mate,
Be serious you wouldn't last an hour in my shoes
It's an Air-Force-One,
Trainers by the truck load, trainers by the tonne,
Don't feel dazed when I catch you by your jays,
Chump, best to act like Forrest Gump, best to run!...

Bubbles - iTunes

...I'm a young raga-bredren from the LDN
In my Nike Air bubbles and they cost 110.

Yo I'm not a gangbanger but I'm good with the mash

Nike Air Bubbles on my feet lookin' fresh...

Outkast are still wonderful

UGK - International Playas Anthem Ft Outkast (Director's Cut)

The Bird and The Bee Vs Calvin Harris

2007-06-08T20:51:00.000Z

Two gigs in one night, it was almost greedy..

The Bird And The Bee

Funbongo: We didn't think we would make this gig but luckily they were on at 7:15 and Calvin of Harris was on at 9:20. The two pop powerhouses were performing less than 500 metres away from each other so the double trouble gig hustle was on..
Albert Hoxton: It was like Christmas, Crufts and the changing of the guard all at once.

The Bird and The Bee - Preparedness Live -iTunes Plus

Funbongo: You could hear a pin drop, rarely has Albert been so quiet.
Albert Hoxton: Tis true, I even make an unholy racket in my sleep. I dream of terrible things like Nickleback, Kasabian, Snow Patrol and the 100 Years War. I shout out to Joss Stone for help but she never saves me.
Funbongo: Oh-K. Greg and Inara's beautiful tunes mesmerised the audience;the room was filled with awe and happiness.

The Bird and The Bee - La La La -iTunes Plus

Albert Hoxton: I liked it when they used an iPod.
Funbongo: For some reason (and we ain't complaining) they didn't bring their band, just the two of them. Greg took up the duties on the keys and acoustic guitar while Inara strummed the bass and captivated us all with her voice. In order to make up for their lack of numbers they had a record player (yes they still make 'em) to provide backing tracks. At the end we were privy to a new song, not on the album, which Greg played through his iPod.
Albert Hoxton: There was a funny moment when Greg pressed the wrong button and Ace of Base 'The Sign' started playing by mistake.
Funbongo: This didn't happen.

The Bird and The Bee - Again and Again Remix -iTunes Plus

The Bird and The Bee covering The BeeGees/Take That - How Deep Is Your Love

Calvin Harris

Calvin Harris - The Girls - iTunes

Next up was Scotland's dance pop blokey. We have spoken about Calvin at length in the past so wil keep this brief.

Funbongo: Lots of young girls and drunk students.
Albert Hoxton: I liked Vegas the most.
Funbongo: Me too
Albert Hoxton: Copy Cat
Funbongo: He was very entertaining and quite witty.
Albert Hoxton: Not as good as The Bird and The Bee though.
Funbongo: They set the bar high...

Calvin Harris - Rock N Roll Attitude -iTunes

Marks Out of 45

Albert Hoxton: The Bird and The Bee = 37
Funbongo: Clavin Harris = 33

Frozen Feelings by Eliza Doolittle and Jimmy Napes

|

The Chemical Brothers Live!

2007-06-07T17:55:00.000Z

Hey Boy (Albert Hoxton)! Hey girl (Sheik Shiraz Hoxton)! Superstar DJ (Funbongo)! Here we go!

So off we raced to see the Brothers Chemical. It certainly was eventful.

The Chemical Brothers

Funbongo: We arrived late after Shiraz's camel broke down and we had to hitch a ride on a blind goat.
Albert Hoxton: When we got there everyone was standing outside, something had set the firm alarm off and so they evacuated the building.
Sheik Shiraz Hoxton: Sorry about that, it was my armpits. I don’t believe in deordorant. The only health product I use is Weetabix, its great for beards.

The Chemical Brothers - Hey Boy! Hey Girl - iTunes Plus

Funbongo: They opened with the Q-Tip blessed Galvanize and the pace didn't relent.
Albert Hoxton: Considering I misread the ticket and thought I was going to see EMO clowns 'My Chemical Romance' it was a hooray parade. Lots of 'hands in the air like you just don't care' type stuff.
Sheik Shiraz Hoxton: As part of my 'fitting in' to Western society I am going to change my name to 'MilkShake Shiraz Hoxton'.
Albert Hoxton: Milkshake brings all the boyz to the yard, la, la, la-la-la.

The Chemical Brothers - Block Rockin' Beats - iTunes Plus

The Chemical Brothers - Galvanize Ft Q-Tip - iTunes Plus

Albert Hoxton: The graphics were fantastic and the lights were dazzling.
Funbongo: So was your J-LO range bling. Sadly, the late start meant an early finish for us (had to get up early for a body Wham! class). We missed 'Block Rocking Beats' and them ones with Oasis.
MilkShake Shiraz Hoxton: All those sirens, flashing lights and general boom boom crash chop wallop; I thought I was back in the caves with Binny Lado again. Those pesky Yanks.

Rating out of 9

Albert Hoxton: 7.9
Funbongo: 7.9
Milkshake Shiraz Hoxton: 12 - naaaat. I mean 7.9 as well, I-WANT-TO-FIT-IN

UnkleJam - What I'm Fighting For - iTunes Plus

The Chemical Brothers - Do It Again Ft Ali Love - iTunes Plus

Dizzee Rascal - P*ssyole (Old Skool) - iTunes

Sennen!?

2007-06-04T21:19:00.000Z

Funbongo: Never heard of this lot.
Albert Hoxton: Paris is in jail now.
Funbongo: She is, your ex-wife Ophelia went to see some guitar band.
Albert Hoxton: Id rather go to jail. What happened Ophelia?

Sennen

Ophelia Hoxton: Ok so I gathered my London and Norwich posse together to go and watch Sennen launch their new single at Industry in East Laaaaaaandon.

http://www.sennen.org.uk/

Calvin Harris - The Girls

Ophelia Hoxton: Sennen are a little known band formed in East Anglia who all hail from the Isle of Wight. Despite these strange geographical connections their sound is just fabulous. Think Spiritualised with some East Anglian twang.

They're heavy on the guitars which in the enclosed downstairs bar at Industry means that my head is still reverberating with the sound today. Ophelia loves to rock.

Ophelia Hoxton: With an album out in September they are doing good things and hopefully more London gigs, and gigs all over the place. I will keep you posted.

The only negative thing about the night was that they didn’t play for long enough, and a really rubbish band came on afterwards which was a great shame.

The East Anglian massive are taking over. Word.

Ella Ella Ella

2007-06-04T17:59:00.000Z

2007-06-03T17:29:00.000Z

Nasty Nas Live!

2007-06-03T10:43:00.000Z

Nas - Purple

Well, he is quite a nice young man really; a family guy.

Funbongo and Albert refused to pay through the nose to see Escobar. Why do American Rappers charge so much to see them in the UK? Its not very gansta and actually counterproductive. ARE YOU LISTENING TALIB KWELI AND Ms LAURYN HILL?

Nas - Gangsta Tears

Anyway Shilpi Hoxton took one for the team and subsidised Kelis' next haircut. Shilpi is from North London so please forgive the disregard for punctuation and the English language. Lets go...

Nas, Kanye West and KRS One - Classic

What happened?

Shilpi Hoxton: Apparently M.I.M.S was there to support with "This is why I'm hot"... sadly I could not verify this from a distance. The chances are it could have been any hoodie-clad gangsta from the streets of Brixton.

When Escobar kindly turned up to relieve the MIMS situation he appeared with a phat blingin' chain. The value of 'Said' bling could probably pay off the entire 3rd world debt!

Surprises:

Shilpi Hoxton: Nas revealed to us that fiddy can "f*** himself". Charming but it is a universally shared sentiment across the world.

How did you find Hammersmith?

Shilpi Hoxton: Delicious. The air was heavily scented with weed. The floor was sticky with alcohol (we assumed it was alcohol) and there woz 'nuff hoodies n dat about wit yati dem.

What was his banter/interaction with the crowd like?

Shilpi Hoxton: Nas proclaimed that if he ruled the world he would bring every single one of us George Bush's head on a silver platter. How many George W Bushes are there out there?

He Done loads of tunes both old skool and his new: Black Republican,One Mic, Got Yourself A Gun, Nastradamus, Hip Hop is Dead, Made you look.

What were the best things?

Shilpi Hoxton: When he took his top off and showed us his RIPPED physique! Mmmmm Madame Kelis is one lucky lady!

Also good to see Heartless Cru representing in the 'pit.. F*** the VIP boxes baby!

Nas - Undying Love

What annoyed you?

Shilpi Hoxton: Some stupid twat standing in front of me boppin away like he was on e's at some hard house/trance rave! This is hip hop damn it, u gota feel the beeeeaaaatttttt man. The beeeaaaatttt.

Rating out of 14.6:

Shilpi Hoxton: 11.382

Nas - The World Is Yours

I'm the young city bandit, hold myself down singlehanded
For murder raps, I kick my thoughts alone, get remanded
Born alone, die alone, no crew to keep my crown or throne
I'm deep by sound alone, caved inside in a thousand miles from home
I need a new nigga, for this black cloud to follow
Cause while it's over me it's too dark to see tomorrow
Trying to maintain, I flip, fill the clip to the tip
Picturin my peeps, now the income make my heartbeat skip
And I'm amped up, they locked the champ up, even my brain's in handcuffs
Headed for Indiana stabbin women like the Phantom
The crew is lampin big Willie style
Check the chip toothed smile, plus I profile wild
Stash through the flock wools, burnin dollars to light my stove
Walk the blocks wit a bop, checkin Danes plus the games
people play, bust the problems of the world today

Dizzee English Muscle Welcomes Brazilian Hustle

2007-06-02T14:01:00.000Z

Funbongo and Albert joined Shipli Hoxton and her 'Unklejams' to watch Beckham return from the cold. The stadium is impressive but the burger prices are excessive.

Albert streaked onto the pitch and tried to punch Frank Lampard; he failed after being distracted by Brazilian Rudebox. Shilpi ate a pie, the Unkles smoked in the toilets and Funbongo discovered that the new Dizzee Rascal album it really good...

England Vs Brazil

Dizzee Rascal

Funbongo: Hip Hop Rule Number One: UK Rap is almost universally rubbish.
Albert Hoxton: Hip Hop Rule Number Two: Never record with Akon.
Funbongo Hoxton: Hip Hop Rule Number Three: Forget the rules... Dizzee has made a decent album.
Albert Hoxton: Fix Up Look Sharp

Funbongo: We have always respected Dizzee; he has always done things his way and had the odd moment of genius. His new album, 'Maths and English', is the first time he has actually created a credible AND enjoyable record. His first two efforts were too sparse and had you reaching for the skip button as his edgy production insulted your eardrums.

Albert Hoxton: Less grime and more melody has made this an album worth buying (he also not signed to a money grabbing major label). The guest appearances work well. Lily performs and Sheffield merges interestingly with East London when Arctic Monkey's Alex Turner pops along to up his street cred.

Funbongo: Not an amazing album but a really good and important one.
Albert Hoxton: I should probably say somefink like 'UK STAND UP"...there you go.

Order Dizzee Rascal - Maths and English here

Dizzee Rascal - Sirens

Captain Dom!

2007-05-31T00:39:00.000Z

Hip Hop Lives

2007-05-29T18:27:00.000Z

Common - The Game

Produced by Kanye West. Scratches by DJ Premier

Pet Shop Boys Live!

2007-05-28T21:55:00.000Z

We managed to miss the first hour because of an argument over whether or not Vince Vaughn is in Anchorman. He is. Chris Lowe ABE (Albert's British Empire) and (Yes) Sir Neil Tennant were outstanding as always. I asked Albert to write a review but he decided to make a top six of his favourite PSB lyrics instead, enjoy.

Pet Shop Boys - The Night I Fell In Love - iTunes (Ode to Eminem)

Next morning we woke
he couldn't have been a nicer bloke
Over breakfast made jokes
about Dre and his homies and folks
Neither of us asked if or when
we would see each other again
but I thought that was cool
'cause Iwas already late for school
by then
I'd fallen in love

The Pet Shop Boys - How Can You Expect To Be Taken Seriously? - iTunes (about Bros)

You live within the law, and everyone assumes
You must find this a bore, and try something new
You're an intellectual giant, an authority
To preach and teach the whole world about ecology

The Pet Shop Boys - The End Of The World - iTunes

Floods of tears and doors slamming
Stamping feet across the landing
Because of your obligation
To stay home and fight
Sitting down to a composition
Test the limits of your inhibition
If the phone hasn't rung by midnight
It's over tonight

If someone tried, you'd realise
It's just a boy or a girl
It's not the end of the world

The Pet Shop Boys - Left To My Own Devices - iTunes

I was faced with a choice at a difficult age
Would I write a book? or should I take to the stage?
But in the back of my head I heard distant feet
Che guevara and debussy to a disco beat

The Pet Shop Boys - Casanova In Hell - iTunes

For Casanova has the last laugh
Creates the myth and vindication
Of his sexual vocation
Makes the definitive collection
His lives and lovers and above all
His erection
Will live in history

The Pet Shop Boys - London - iTunes

My father fought in Afghanistan
His widow's pension ain't worth a damn
My mother works and goes home to cry
I want to live before I die

Hard Better Electro Kanye?

2007-05-28T16:02:00.001Z

Kanye and A-Track continue their pursuit of cred. After teasing us on youtube they deliver a one minute snippet.

Kanye West - Stronger Ft Daft Punk (zShare SNIPPET)

Taken from the forthcoming Graduation album. Order here

Will sampling Daft Punk, Thom Yorke and Peter Bjorn and John make them cool? We admire Mr West for trying to push the envelope but in sampling such hyped artists is he not just being a bit obvious/lazy? He uses 'Harder Better Faster Stronger' well but he must be a little embarrassed that Swizz Beatz beat him to the Daft Punk thang first on Busta's Touch it.

Daft Punk - Electroma

Funbongo: I finally watched Daft Punk's Electroma today, its a contradiction; dull and compelling. Unless you are a huge Daft Punk fan or love 'arty' work I wouldn't bother watching it. The film follows around the Daft Punk robots as the strive to become human, there is no dialogue and long continuous passages of film where absolutely nothing occurs. The plight of the robots is vaguely charming but its not something I will ever watch again.

Albert Hoxton: Its like 'Spiceworld the Movie' but with Robots and no Roger Moore.

Daft Punk 'Electroma' trailer

2007-05-27T08:51:00.000Z

Jay-Z/Amy Winehouse - Rehab (Alternative Verse)

Mark Ronson DJ's For Natasha Bedingfield

2007-05-26T10:34:00.000Z

Tuesday nights can be cruel. Albert and I missed out because we were visiting Daniel Bedingfield in Re-kebab. Danny is there for sister addiction. Albert also has a mildly worrying Natasha Bedingfield issue; the two had a good ol' Nata-natter.

Consequently we couldn't go to a secret Natasha Bedingfield show featuring Mark Ronson on the decks. Canadian and Scouse were there and a couple of pictures:

Mark Ronson - Tomorrow

Siobhan Update

Free Download of the amazing track 'Ghosts' available on her myspace page

Siobhan Donaghy - Coming Up For Air Live at Pop Justice. You can see Funbongo's hand taking pictures in the last 10 seconds

From her first album

Siobhan Donaghy - Overrated

Natasha Bedingfield - No More Ft Eve (iTunes)

The bizarre lyrics to Daniel Bedingfield - Sister (iTunes)

You're my best friend
No you're not
You're my sister, stay in your place
I can't pretend that you're not
Threatening to me,l need my space
I'm not lying, I value survival
Over you

I'm on my own
No I'm not
I've my sister to fight for me
I can't pretend that you won't
Cause you love myself more than me
I'm not lying, so often you choose me
Over you

I wanna say I'm sorry but I know I'll do it again
I'll do it again
I know what I did but I still don't know the reason
I wanna say I'm sorry but I know I'll do it again

I pull you close
Feel your love
Then I push you away from me
Protect myself
I'm not safe when my boundaries are violated
And it's kill or die
So I choose me
Over you

ADD is my excuse
And with my excuse I shot you down

Lash out in anger
Hit the wrong target
My little sister

Natasha Bedingfield - Say It Again Ft Adam Levine (iTunes)

Next Ronson Single - Mark Ronson - Oh My God Ft Lily Allen (iTunes)

Beckham is Bizak

Albert, Funbongo and Soma will at the nu Wemberrrrleeeee to see it.

New Kanye West Video - Can't Tell Me Nothing

2007-05-26T09:44:00.000Z

'If the Devil wears Prada
Adam and Eve wear nada
Im in-between but way more fresher'

Not sure how keen we are on Young Jeezy's background "chyeah', 'ha ha' and 'dayum' noises....

Sheik Shiraz Hoxton's Ivor Novello Report

2007-05-24T20:42:00.000Z
Marilyn Manson - What Goes Around (Justin Timberlake Cover) - zShare

The Sheik left his camels with Albert and went to the posh London bash..

Ivor Novello's 2007

The 52nd Ivor Novello Awards took place at the ritzy Grosvenor House Hotel in London's (s)wanky Park Lane. Admittedly it was much nicer than my usual haunts of soul bars, Pakistani caves and fez clubs.

In town were some music industry elite including:

Sir Elton John, Amy Winehouse, Corrinne Bailey Rae, Quicy Jones, Alex Turner of Arctic Monkeys, Albert Hoxton, Fat Boy Slim, Peter Gabriel and Mick Jones.

Madonna walked away with International Hit of the Year; unfortunately the leotard lady of pop was not in attendance to collect her accolade. That was left to super-producer Stuart Price aka Jacques Lu Cont. Clad in a Ralph Lauren shirt, complimented by a jumper thrown over his shoulders - he looked more like he belonged at the Henley Regatta.

Madonna - Sorry (Pet Shop Boys Mix) - iTunes

Amy Winehouse avoided the red carpet treatment and snook into the venue to pick up Best Contemporary Song. Fresh from her marriage to her new bloke over in the states, the pint sized star was pounced upon by the UK's press, all eager to get a piece of musics hottest property (Albert: Ne-Yo wasn't there was he?).

The man that goes by the name of Fat Boy Slim was awarded the Outstanding Contribution to British Music gong. Flanked by former House Martins band mate Paul Heaton, he seemed clearly overawed by the honour.

Fat Boy Slim - Wonderful Night - iTunes

Quincy Jones flew into town to receive The Special International award - admitting to waiting journalists that until Michael Caine explained what the ceremony was about, he didn't have a clue what he was here for! He revealed future plans include a high definition cinematic film about Brazil - with proceeds going to Hurricane Katrina victims as well as the people that live in the Favela's of Brazil.

Michael Jackson - P.Y.T - iTunes

Relative unknown Scott Matthews scooped the Best Song award, Yusuf Islam (a cousin of mine, twice removed) aka Cat Stevens rolled up to be awarded the Outstanding Song Collection (Albert: Someone gave Cat Stevens a copy of Rudebox? Why didn't Rudebox win?).

Errrr (we mean Sir) Elton John turned up to join Scissor Sisters on stage as they won the Most Performed Work award (Albert: AKA worse single in pop history). During his acceptance speech, the Lord of the Piano jokingly told Alex Turner from the Arctics that he could have a ride up to Sheffield with him in his private helicopter (what a cheeky man) - and warned Amy Winehouse that she'd better not cancel her next gig (Albert: ha ha Elton your a comic genius, stop now).

Wino famously pulled out of two gigs in London and was pictured looking suspiciously thirsty in her local branch of Tescos - whether the fact she was in the alcohol section at 11am on the day of her gigs was the cause for this cancellation is anyones guest. (Albert: she was allegedly in Shoreditch's Griffin pub with certain suppliers that night)

Amy Winehouse - Take The Box (Headquarters Mix) iTunes

Last but by no means least, Alex Turner of Arctic Monkeys (Albert: The R Kellys of Indie) demonstrated a more mature approach to awards ceremonies. Clearly understanding of itsrespect in musical quarters - the frontman was apologetic for past actions:
'usually we just get these awards, get on stage and gob off... maybe it's cos I'm so young that I didn't really realise the importance of these awards...

The press scrum around him grappling to get a soundbyte of the Sheffield man
clearly backed this up.

Arctic Monkeys - Fluorescent Adolescent -iTunes

All in all an interesting awards ceremony. By no means the most Rock 'n' Roll
event when compared with the likes of the NME's (Albert: rubbish awards) and Q awards (Albert: who cares?), but nevertheless, a plethora of big name talent turned up to show their respect for what is seen as a highly prestigious ceremony.

Shake Your Tambourine...

The Filthy Few Invade Proud...The Penelope Hoxton Show

2007-05-24T19:23:00.000Z
Download the FREE Filthy Few Podcast 'ere

The Filthy Few rocked it...

Albert Hoxton: Yes we did. No stupid bands, just DJ's. I hate live music.

Funbongo: Princess Penelope's debut was special

DJ's Shiraz, Captain Dom, DJ Risco and Christian 'Nails' K acted as great support to Penelope Hoxton. Albert's sister showed that there is at least one member of the Hoxton clan that doesn't think burping into a mic is beatboxing.

The Princess Penelope DJ Masterclass

Simply Red - Something Got Me Started

DJ Jazzy Jeff and The Fresh Prince - Boom Shake The Room

House Of Pain - Jump Around

Backstage

Cassidy - Hotel Ft R Kelly

Watch the video for R Kelly's PINK rapist outfit, the guy is bananas!

McCartney Does Something Good

2007-05-24T12:28:00.000Z
The kids at Fader found this Michel Gondry treat featuring McKenzie Crook. The song, 'Dance Tonight' is actually quite good. Listen out for the track at the end of the video because that sounds cool as well. Out on iTunes on 4th June, its taken from the new album called 'Memory Almost Full'.

Willy Mason Live! Ft Jessica Simpson and Will Ferrell

2007-05-24T10:39:00.000Z
Willy Mason

Albert Hoxton: Who?
Funbongo: Never heard of him either... anyway Ophelia Hoxton went along to take her mind off the divorce from Albert.

What happened?

Ophelia Hoxton: So we got to the gig just as Elvis Perkins the support was starting. The songs he sang were mostly happy which made a nice change from your usual men singer songwriters whining about love. He had a trumpet player, violinist, viola player, and some weird accordion type guitar which was pretty classy. He definitely got the crowd going.

Albert Hoxton: Like in Blades of Glory?

Chazz: We're gonna dance to one song, and one song only: "Lady Humps" by the Black Eyed Peas. "What you gonna do with all that junk, all that junk inside your trunk? I’m a get you, get you drunk, get you drunk off my lady humps, my humps, my humps, my lovely lady humps."
Jimmy: [disgusted] I'm not skating to anything with references to lady humps. I don't even know what that means.
Chazz: No one knows what it means, but it's provocative...
Jimmy: No, it's not, it's gross...
Chazz: ...It gets the people going!

Ophelia Hoxton: Then Willy turned up and he looked like he hadn’t made any effort. He was dressed in what you would wear to do your Saturday toilet cleaning.

As soon as he started singing that was all forgotten and yours truly was totally spellbound. I could wax lyrical about him for quite some time but I'll stop here.

Surprises:

Ophelia Hoxton: He saved Oxygen to the end, which I suppose wasn't a surprise but a bit disappointing. The bassist broke a string at one point which meant that he had to entertain the crowd and he didn't really know what to do. That was pretty funny.

How did you find Shepherd's Bush?

I hate Shepherds Bush as a venue. The floor is flat and there were some tall people in front of me, and I'm pretty tall [Taller than Max anyway]. The sound quality was grand and when he was talking to the crowd you could hear what he was saying which is important.

What was his banter/interaction with the crowd like?

Excellent. Some idiots were shouting out requests and he dealt with it really well. He got into a bit of a bind with his guitar strap and the band played some comedy music while he was sorting it out which was also good.

Rating out of 14.6:

13.9

Willy Mason MySpace

Jessica Simpson - These Boots Are Made For Walking Ft Willie Nelson

NO COMMENT

Movement By Myself, A Force When We're Together

2007-05-23T22:45:00.000Z

Peter Doherty before he became a crack pipe baby

2007-05-23T13:46:00.000Z
Sheik Shiraz Hoxton found this little gem...

Calvin Harris, Albert, Disco and Nappies

2007-05-21T23:20:00.001Z

Calvin Harris - I Created Disco (Sony)

There have been mumblings in the dance community: 'Who is this cheeky chap that makes dance music but embraces pop culture?', 'Anthony and Cleopatra! He has gone top ten, lets hate him and act like Mylo is better.'

Mylo destroyed rock and roll, Calvin Harris created Disco.

This album is strong but Calvin has left himself room for improvement. 'Merrymaking', 'Acceptable in the 80's', 'Electo Man', 'Disco Heat' and 'The Girls' are the obvious high points. He is not able to maintain the thrill for the entire 55 minutes but the album is certainly full of hustle. Its FunBongo's favourite dance album of the year.

8.2 out of 11

Half Year Bingo Bango Dance Party Time Chart

1.Calvin Harris - Its fun and addictive
2. Justice - Occasionally special but generally too cool for skool, not enough knowledge for college.
3. Groove Armada - 4 or 5 great tracks but lacks coherence as an album.
4. LCD Soundsystem - The odd seminal moment but James Murphy takes himself far too seriously to be worth the long, dull passages.

Woo! Calvin wins!!!

Albert Hoxton: This should have been on the album Calvin Harris - Love For You (iTunes)

Order Calvin's album here

Justice Vs Maroon 5, Siobhan and Rihanna

2007-05-20T11:17:00.000Z

Justice - † (Ed Banger Records)

To say this album sounds like Daft Punk is not quite accurate; it sounds more Thomas Bangalter's solo work ('Outrage' in particular). Apart from borrowing all the Daft Punk kit Gaspard and Xavier brought along the signature Justice sounds, a chalk-board, a set of nails and a fox screaming in pain. The boys have some great moments, D.A.N.C.E is a brilliant slice of infectious, uplifting disco. 'DVNO' will get a lot of butts on the dance-floor and the last minute of 'Let There Be Light' is beautiful.

Sadly the album is full of songs that are almost really good but fall at the last hurdle. 'New Jack' almost satisfies but after a short time falls into classic Justice territory... 'the grate zone'. The same can be said for 'Phantom PT 1'and 'Valentine'. 'Phantom PT 2' and 'Genesis' also offer great promise but are somewhat butchered by Justice's blunt overkill production tastes. The 'Party' features the one trick pony, Uffie. Uffie only has one 'flow' and her boring delivery becomes stagnant after 25 seconds.

Certainly quite a enjoyable album in places but no Daft Punk replacement; ignore the ridiculous beatz and buzz.

7 out of 11

Albert Hoxton: Calvin Calvin Calvin Calvin please.

Justice - Let There Be Light (iTunes)

Siobhan Donaghy - Ghosts (Parlophone)

Siobhan is difficult to write but a delight to listen to. The Sugababe back-catalog is hardly busting with consistent merit but its gingerly departed co-founder Siobhan Donaghy has delivered a collection of songs as stunning as her beauty. Siobhan has concentrated on making an album full of honesty, rather than hits. The production of the LP is cloaked in atmosphere, captured most evidently by the back-to-front vocals of the title track 'Ghosts'. "Medavac' finds Siobhan in full Kate Bush 'Wuthering Heights' mode; its one of the songs of the year so far. We like Mutya but she wont top this...

10.6 out of 11

Albert Hoxton: I wanna have your babies

Siobhan - Ghost Album Sample (iTunes)

Maroon 5 - It Won't Be Soon Before Long (Universal)

Maroon 5 are set to cement their position as one of the world's biggest acts, they are also destined to remain one of the most hated. There is always a backlash against bands that make heavily commercial albums. In Maroon 5's defence they have never been ashamed of their pop sensibilities. They have always used the most cliched, and harmonious chords; perfect for daytime radio and dinner parties.

Adam Levine and and the boys spoke of the album being their raciest to date, I assume they are referring to the semi-funky bridges in the global monster "Makes Me Wonder' and 'If I Never See Your Face Again'. This album, unsurprisingly, lacks imagination. Levine re-uses his own vocals from Kanye West's 'Heard 'em Say' on 'Nothing Last Forever', surely a verse from Kanye would have broken up the monotonous tone of the album a little?

Despite the album being totally predictable it is still a decent pop effort. If you don't like Maroon 5 I suggest you don't listen to the radio for the next 18 months...

6.8 out of 11.
Albert Hoxton: Why the chop did Sony let Universal snare Maroon 5?

Maroon 5 - Makes Me Wonder (iTunes)

Rihanna 'Good Girl Gone Bad' (Def Jam)

Interesting album title... 'Bad Girl Gone Good' would have made more sense. 3 albums in 18 months, that Jay-Z fella certainly is a slave driver. This is Rihanna's first album of any note. It is by no means a fantastic but they seemed to have worked it to Rihanna's strengths, her dancing. Second single 'Shut up and drive' rocks a la P!nk/Kelly Clarkson and Ne-Yo provides a ballad that will be stuck on American radio for months. Rihanna shines the brightest when she avoids the mid-tempo type of slush that ruined the Amerie album. The Justin Timberlake penned 'Rehab' seems unspectacular at first but grows with every listen.

6.9 out of 11

Rihanna - Umbrella Ft Jay-Z

Filthy Few Live! Albert has lost it...

2007-05-12T15:29:00.000Z

May has arrived and so has a whole world load of Filthy Few Madness. Here is what the FunBongo Bingo Bango Squad made of the festivities....

Burmese Days

Funbongo: The lead singer does my paper round.
Albert Hoxton: Was that the rat who stole mi free copy of Mikey Oldfield 'Tubular Bells'?
Funbongo: Fo Shizzle.
Albert Hoxton: Pretty good for a band with guitars and no girls.
Funbongo: Here here, Im with you on that one Bert.

MySpace

The Real Heat

Funbongo: Didn't we see them at PopJustice?
Albert Hoxton: Yes, they decided to wear clothes this time.
Funbongo: I'd be more inclined to like them if they were actually attractive, it does wonders for the Sugababes.
Albert Hoxton: They are entertaining in a perverse way, a bit like Noel Edmonds.
Funbongo: You can't compare The Real Heat to Mr Blobby's boyfriend.
Albert Hoxton: Bruce Forsyth then?
Funbongo: Hang on, they ain't that hot.

MySpace

Florence and The Machine

MySpace

Funbongo: She sang acapella because her lazy bum of a guitarist (fucking musicians) was watching Eastenders.
Albert Hoxton: This is why I say we should move the night to Wednesday, people get the dirty Den Dilemma if you compete with the Walford Massive.
Funbongo: Albert keep quiet about Leslie Graham's webcam, you got him in a lot of trouble last time.

Albert Hoxton: Back to the script... she was/is amazing. A cross between Barbara Windsor and Joss Stone.

Funbongo: Not really Albert, thats your perfect woman. She was unbelievable, arguably the best Act the Filthy Few has ever had. The crowd even forced her to do an encore.

Check the youtube below...

FREE FILTHY FEW PODCAST

EMO + Hip Hop = Gym Class Heroes

A Dash of Kate Nash

2007-05-12T11:58:00.000Z
Kate Nash

It was Tuesday and boring so Funbongo and Albert went to check out Kate Nash.

Our thoughts before the gig:

Funbongo: Not fussed
Albert Hoxton: I heard sum of her stuff on myTunes and iSpace, not so good. I am going to try and fall asleep behind the drum kit.
Sheik Shiraz Hoxton: Kate Gash
Funbongo: Shhh Shiraz, you weren't alowed in - security was too tight. Considering English isn't your first language you are rude dude.
Albert Hoxton: There are already eight people sleeping behind the drum kit...

Our thoughts during the gig:

Funbongo: Woo! We were wrong, she is amazing.
Albert Hoxton: Kate Nash's warm up girl is hot property.
Funbongo: No Albert, that is Kate Nash.
Albert Hoxton: Shiver me timbers!
Sheik Shiraz Hoxton: This is wife number 46 me says.

Funbongo: Albert, where is the camera?
Albert Hoxton: Don't try this shit again.
Funbongo: You badger, you forgot it. Jesus, Im gonna have to use the old phone. 2 mega-pixies, what is this? Amateur hour?
Albert Hoxton: You should be grateful I remembered me trooousers this time.
Sheik Shiraz Hoxton: Thank Allah for that Albert.

Our thoughts after the gig:

Funbongo: Kate Nash is boom boom boom boombastic say she fantastic.
Albert Hoxton: She says I'm Mr. Ro...mantic say me fantastic, touch me in my back, she say I'm Mr. boom boom.
Sheik Shiraz Hoxton: It wasn't me!
Funbongo: Wrong Shaggy song Shiraz.

Sheik Shiraz Hoxton: It looks like you infidels chefs were wrong about Kate Nash, you might well be wrong about Justice as well. The album is falling all around us and sounds OK.
Albert Hoxton: Word to ya Pappa.

Funbongo: Lets go back the intiweb and listen to her songs again....
Albert Hoxton: They still sound a bit rubbish.
Funbongo: Mmm, apart from 'Birds', yes they do. Bad production?
Albert Hoxton: The album due in September will sound better.

Kate Nash - Birds

Calvin Harris - Girls Video

I See You Baby, Shakin' That Rudebox

2007-05-07T11:17:00.000Z

Groove Armada

Sheik Shiraz Hoxton (Firas?) went to this. Albert and Funbongo were busy stunting on Joes, not giving a muthaphuck and spreading gossip. Here is Sheik Shiraz Hoxton's report from the launch:

Sheik Shiraz Hoxton: Supposedly Mark E. Smith from closed the curtain on one of the most iconic venues in London's music history (Hammersmith Palais) after it was condemned to be demolished on 22nd January 2007.

Closing in April 2007 - Kasabian (Filthy Few's Firas attended this guitar-a-tron - mullet-a-thon session), Jamie T (Funbongo went) and The Good The Bad And The Queen were some of the last to perform.

Albert Z Hoxton: Who is Mark E Smith? What does the E stand for? Egg?

Funbongo: Justin Timberlake was good there last summer

Sheik Shiraz Hoxton Just imagine my shock when yesterday an email 'bombed' its way into my inbox requesting the pleasure of my company at a gig to celebrate the 'launch' of Groove Armada's new album.

Groove Armada - Song 4 Mutya

At first I was convinced it was all a ploy. Were the owners being measly and not willing to 'shell' out for a demolition expert? Did they want some sort of home made jam and honey device that I could potentially conjure up in my garden shed after my training deep in the Pakistani hills?

I wasn't sure, so I decided to play it safe. Instead of donning my full commando Jihad gear, I equipped myself in full civilian gear, akin to those indie kids I see walking round that Camden area. I left my standard issue jacket and rucksack at home for fear of metal detectors and airport style security.

Groove Armada - Feel The Same Ft Angie Stone

Some western band called Groove Armada were playing out some music that made people dance in crazy ways. This was not the familiar Abdhul Wahed 'Greatest Hit's' I became accustomed to during my time in the hills, nor was it the teaching of Abu 'The Spoon' Hamza. The dance moves too seemed very dated; for some reason they did not know how to do the 'Cantanata' nor the '1,2,3 - detonate'. I was met with vacant stares and curious expression when I started whipping these little numbers out.

Groove Armada - Paris

Anyway, this band were equipped with some sort of satellite control pad and what seemed to be screens that sapped the images of the filthy consumerist's in the crowd - girls in bikinis dancing, lights and disco balls were all around; Groove Armada then had the cheek to bring on an infidel by the name of "Mutya" who was once part of some band called "The Sugababes" for their new single.

Disgruntled by the vast displays of flesh, copious consumption of alcohol and sheer lack of respect for my native tongue (there was some guy on stage who seemed really angry and kept talking in a dialect I have yet to study and learn - he said words like 'blud', 'groove armada stylie', 'feeling dat vibe', 'maximisiing' and 'superstylin'. I began to wonder whether I'd been duped into attending some sort of infidel brainwashing session. After casing the joint once last time (and meeting some guy who told me to 'freshen up for the punani' - something I told him was quite premature - I had only reached stage 2 of my master plan and would not be greeting the 99 virgins just yet) I left and headed to the nearest public toilet so that I could wash myself of this terrible filth.

Filthy Few Podcast 15 Download this (is not) shit; its free

Here is the new Joss Stone video. Albert had to upload it to youtube. Unsurprisingly its odd. Once Common and Raphael Saadiaq get involved it makes more sense. Amazing song, brilliant album. We LOVE HER; even though its not 'kool' to do so....

Joss Stone - Tell Me What Your Gonna Do Ft Common

2007-05-06T10:16:00.001Z

Firas in Kings Cross?

2007-05-03T19:31:00.000Z
Pharrell and the Yessirs - You Can Do It Too (zShare)

Last week the FBI came over to question Albert about rudebox exposure and the missing Firas, I told them he was at lunch. It was only 9:45am but they fell for it - suckers!!!

Funbongo had a 'hit' from the Pakistan mountains yesterday. Albert was convinced it was Jihad's finest, Firas. We might have been wrong. We think we have spotted him in the video for Filthy Few favourites Cajun Dance Party. Although their dreadful haircuts and absence of style suggests otherwise, its an A-OK song.

Check out 1:38

In case you missed it, which you most certainly did, here is a screenshot of the alleged Firas cameo.

Maroon 5

We went down to see Maroon 5 last night. We didn't have a ticket, Albert hid me under his invisible cloak but we got caught out. Apparently it isn't invisible in Kings Cross. So..... plan B. Plan B was to buy off a ticket lout/tout. The plonker wanted £90 a ticket. After 12 minutes of laughter we told him he was the next Paris Hilton and we wouldn't pay more than £20. He didn't sell them to us.

No great loss, we don't love Maroon 5 anyway. The five songs we have off the new album aren't amazing. The single is good but has a dreadful and expensive video.

The Groove Armada album is quite good. A Funbongo clan member is watching them tonight.

Groove Armada - Get Down (Calvin Harris Mix)

The brilliant Tracey Thorn album has a cover of the Pet Shop Boys on it.

What else?

R Kelly and Usher have made a duet called 'Same Girl'. Its not as creepy as you would expect. Its no classic but not a bad effort either.

There is an amazing Joss Stone remix on iTunes.

Joss Stone - Tell Me 'Bout It (Yam Mix)

Tracey Thorn - Kings Cross

Pet Shop Boys - Kings Cross

Tracey Thorn - Its All True

Tracey Thorn - Its All True (Video)

Saw this at Bug. The next Bug Music Video Event is in July.

Robbie Williams The 80's

Go to this please

Pharoahe-f**kin-Monch, Ain't A Damn Thang Changed

2007-04-30T17:20:00.000Z
Huzzah!

Two outstanding Hip-Hop albums in two weeks. Is rap back?

Funbongo: Maybe, almost, lets see what Kanye, Lupe Fiasco, Common, Rhymefest and Talib Kweli deliver this year...

Lupe Fiasco - I gotcha - Live Instrument Mix (zshare)

Albert: Oui, y not? It never left, it just had a quick sleepy bye bye. Is Tom Cruise back? When is Cocktail 2 coming out? I heard TomKat has persuaded Martin Clunes and Neil Morrisey from 'Men Behaving Badly' to star. Dame Judy Dench is signed up to duet with Dizzee Rascal on the soundtrack.

Pharoahe Monch is a brilliant rapper. Some of you may have heard his debut album Internal Affairs. It was released 1999 and was criminally deleted. It is an absolute pain in the rudebox to get hold of. Its going for $55 on Amazon and £45 on Play

You cannot buy it digitally online (correct me if I am wrong) so here is the best track off it.

Pharoahe Monch - The Light (zshare)

Here is a fantastic cameo of his on Amy Winehouse - Rehab Remix (zshare)

Here is a track from the Pharrell vs The Roots album that seems set to never get released. The album is called 'Out My Mind'

Pharrell and The Yessirs - Number One Ft Kanye West

This summer Pharoahe releases this:

Desire

Intro
Free
Desire
Push
Welcome To The Terror Dome
What It Is
When The Gun Draws
Let's Go
Body Baby
Bar Tap
Hold On
So Good
The Trilogy

Funbongo is lucky enough to have a copy and it is worth the 8 year wait since his last album.

Buy it here

There is some great Pharoahe Monch stuff on iTunes...

Sergio Mendes - Loose Ends Ft Justin Timbalake, Pharoahe Monch and Will-i-am

Mos Def - Oh No Ft Pharoahe Monch and Nate Dogg

Miri Ben Ari - New World Symphony Ft Pharoahe Monch

Dj Jazzy Jeff

2007-04-28T09:08:00.000Z

This is the best hip hop album we have heard in a long while.

DJ Jazzy Jeff - Return Of The Magnificent

Hip Hop - feat. Twone Gabz
Let Me Hear U Clap - feat. Pos
Run That Back - feat. Eshon Burgundy / Black Ice
Definition - feat. Kel Spencer
Touch Me Wit Ur Handz - feat. China Black
Jeff 'N' Fess - feat. Rhymefest
Practice - feat. J-Live
Supa Jean - feat. Jean Grae
Garden - feat. Big Daddy Kane
She Was So Fly - feat. Kardinal Offishall
Hold It Down - feat. Method Man
All I Know - feat. CL Smooth
Go See The Doctor 2k7 - feat. Twone Gabz
My Soul Ain't For Sale - feat. Raheem DeVaughn
Come On - feat. Dave Ghetto
Brand New Funk 2k7 - feat. Peedi Peedi

Buy it here

Albert Hoxton Exposed

2007-04-26T23:53:00.000Z
Full Name: Alberto Winthorpe Tryrant Magaret Teri Hatcher Hoxton Senior GQ Esquire Tha Third.

AKA: The Gordon Ramsey of Rap.

Titles: Sir, MBE, Dr (received an honory PHD in *NYSNC studies from Shoreditch High Skool), Professor, Dame and Prince (co-orinated in '74; year of the Rudebox)

Born: On the 4th of July in Casino Royale (Monaco), either in 1442 or 1984 - there is evidence to support both.

Mother: Unknown but some historians have traced his family tree back to Ron Burgandy.

Favourite Tube Station: Canada Water, its clean and has a good number of emergency exits. There is no water though.

Father: Again, unknown. Tom from Myspace thinks there is a fair-good chance it is Maddox Jolie Pitty.

Confirmed Family Members: Penelope Hoxton, Alfie Allen, Picasso, Disco, Brooklyn Beckham, Dickie Van Horton, ACDC, Willie Mason, Willie Fogg and Willie Thorne and The Pet Shop Boys.

Ex-Wife: Ophelia Hoxton, she left him because he kept calling her Robbie whilst ordering her to 'do the Rudebox'.

Arch Enemies: The Archie Bronson Outfit, Akon (apart the India.aire and Gwen songs), Eminem (post 2003), A Arctic Monkeys (so cool they drop the 'The' before their useless asses), Harry Potter (go Drako Malfoy), Bar Kelly (a drinking establishment that has banned R Kelly records), Most of Clapham, FACEBOOK and Hedge funds.

Properties: Albert House near Old Street Tube

The Royal Albert House

Lords Cricket Ground

Folsom Prison

Camp (Craig) David

A flat on Booty Street in Hoxton

Skills: Skinny dipping, Rudebox, tax dodging, croquet, France, pencil sharperning, clapping, google?, Kelly Morris dancing and slam dunking the funk.

Weaknesses: His left arm in the gym, slip fielding, Savage Garden, galaxy chocolate bars and pollen.

Criminal Record: 'Bert spent three years in a Japanese laundry for jaywalking backwards (naked) and calling the King of Japan a mong mong.

Heroes: DJ Tam Tam

Known Albert Quotes

'Don't forget your hair straighteners'

'Cricket is for lovers'

'Bingo!'

'Shiver me timbers'

'Hotel, motel, holiday Inn'

'Life is a rollercoaster'

'60% of the time, it works everytime'

'PIMPing ain't easy, most of it freaks me every night'

Salary: 500 French Francs a minute paid direct into a Welsh bank account.

Favourite Tipple: Ribeena with a slash of squid.

Siobhan & Co

2007-04-25T18:10:00.000Z
Siobhan Donaghy - Ghosts

Another week and another former Sugababe. This is time is was Pop Justice Live with Siobahan and some other jokers. Albert was 'breaking necks' all over the shop; unfortunately for him they were mainly men.

The crowd was fired up and full of energy, here is the the lo-down:

Booty Luv

Funbongo: Couldn't summon the energy to get out of my chair to watch them, hence no pictures. Sounded ok, you can't really beat Tweet.

Albert: No, you should never beat a woman.

Funbongo: I meant you shouldn't cover Tweet's Boogie Tonight.

The Real Heat

Funbongo: Yes, by this stage it was about 49 degrees in the shade. The flyer said they are getting loads of buzz in East London.

Albert: Yes, I think I have seen them hanging out in Whitechapel late on a Friday. For £8.50 you can get them to...

Funbongo: Albert stop!

Albert: Prude

Funbongo: They were very entertaining and Firas has booked them for a night.

Albert: What will his girlfriend say? They are also performing at the Filthy Few on May 10th at Bar Music Hall.

BWO

Funbongo: The pictures say it all.

Albert: Did I like? No, no so much. Entertaining in a scary way, like a horror film.

Siobhan

Funbongo: Brilliant, great voice.

Albert: Better performer and much fitter than Mutya. Mutya has better songs though.

Funbongo: Hey Bert, didn't you steal her water bottle from the stage?

Albert: Yes, yes I did. She had only half drunk it. This means that we have almost snogged. Take a look below. I turned the label from the bottle round so you can't see the make. We don't believe in product placement.

Funbongo: I am not sure that counts as a snog, I also heard she was a lesbian and so may not fancy you.

Albert: I like a challenge.

Siobhan Donaghy - Givin' In

Mutya or Siobhan?

Funbongo: Mutya just. Both albums sound a lot better then anything The Sugababes have ever managed.

Albert: Both

Siobhan Donaghy - Don't Give it Up

Rudebox '74

2007-04-23T20:36:00.000Z
Albert is so happy about Robbie's Rudebox being nominated for an Ivor Novello award that he doing the fandango.

Most people hate the Rudebox album. Most people haven't heard the Rudebox album. We only liked two songs when we fist listened. Now we love eight.

Industry rumours suggest that Robbie will release another swing album at Christmas to win back the housewives. Robbie please don't; release a RudeboxEMO album instead. I also read 50 Cent's people had been in touch with him, mmmmm.

The Rudebox lyrics are absolutely priceless. The guy is a genius, they are hilarious. Here are some of our favourites:

Rudebox

Good Doctor

just hurt me leg its not terminal
But a pain killer could help for whats wrong with my knee
And I'm a little bit down from too much tea
Got me own collection can't get an erection
If I take em' too long they'll fuck me complextion
That's right If I take em for like more than a few days I get that haunted look
Give me loads of pills

The Actor

Keep On Ft Lily Allen

Hotel motel Holiday Inn
Hotel motel Holiday Inn
Hotel motel

Croups crouping
Roots rooting
Ludes looting
Loops hooping
Got no strings but I think with my dingalingaling
Two two for the two ting tong ting two stonking
Two's two
Looks luking
Fruits fruiting
Sleuths sleuthing
Got no strings I think with my dingalingaling
Root root for the rooting
Toot toot for the tooting

The 90's

"Boys I don't believe it, I'm gonna be famous!
Pick you up in a Porsche and buy you lots of trainers."
I met the other guys, one seemed like a cock
I think it's gonna be like New Kids on The Block

Now we're famous and that, and we're dancing and that
And I'm thinking "I can't see! Why am I stood at the back?"
So fuck the band give me some gak.

DJ Tam Tam LIVE

2007-04-23T19:40:00.000Z

Yes! we can confirm the beautiful DJ Tam Tam is playing at The Filthy Few next month.

Albert just fainted.

Saturday 19th May

The Young Folks Disco. Peter Bjorn and John Live!

2007-04-21T22:19:00.000Z
Guest Blog From the Beautiful Raver Disco

In the absence of FunBongo and Albert, Disco was joined by Maniac, Chappers and the good Shepherd to see some cool swedes getting hot and sweaty in Camdens's Koko. Despite being initially distracted by the giant disco ball Disco was soon captivated by the dashing young Swedish men, Peter, Bjorn & John.

(Disco disco...eyes on the stage!!)

Having been to see several swedish singing sensations of late I'm beginning to think that Swedes have more fun. The boys had boundless energy reserves, belting out songs from the last 3 albums and leaping around the stage looking like they didn't have a care in the world.

Charlotte Gainsbourg - AF607105

The girls were expecting some mellow tunage akin to the Young Folks track so we were pleasantly surprised when the boys rocked out with some of their new tracks - I swear I caught Maniac and Chappers busting some air guitar half way through the gig...

(Peter - he's so CUTE!!!)

FunBongo would have loved the live bongo's on Young Folks - the crowd went wild and the rhythmically challenged girl in front was a cause of concern for all of us...Peter jumped into the crowd with the microphone for the whistling part...he looked to be heading for Disco but was stopped in his tracks when Albert streaked across the stage (completely unexpected but most definitely the highlight of the evening). Encouraged by Peter (whose love of attention is actually very endearing), some superb crowd involvement followed, which was met with much laughter from the other boys. Great stuff.

Stylewise they didn't disappoint (the boys were much more on trend than Robyn whose dress sense still gives me nightmares). The only improvement could have been for the beautiful Peter to be wearing those same tight white pants that the Air boys are so partial too...

(Fun Bongo - please insert photo here of said white pants...just so I can re-live the memory - merci!)

All in all a super night - great music, hot swedes and a giant disco ball.

Buy the album!!! errrrr The Album

Charlotte Gainsbourg - Set Yourself On Fire

The Charlotte Gainsbourg Album 5:55 - Music by Air, produced by Nigel Godrich (Air, Beck and Radiohead...) and lyrics from Jarvis Cocker. Fantastico.

Biggie Interlude

2007-04-21T21:12:00.000Z

I have been looking for this version of 'Real Niggas' for 10 years.

Jay-Z probably wouldn't be my favouite rapper if Biggie had lived on to make more than just two albums. I exclude all the posthumous mismash albums that Diddydo has churned out in the last decade. God bless Diddy, he taken it a little far though.

The vocals from this track were later used on the Duran Duran fueled Notorious.

Here is The Notorious B.I.G - Real Niggas (zshare)

April Filthy Few Ft DJ Funbongo Live

2007-04-19T19:20:00.001Z
Back once again for the Renegade Master. Yes The DJ Funbongo show returned with some bands. It was, of course, the mighty Filthy Few Live in Hoxton.

Albert popped his collar so hard that the bone came out and we had ram it back in. There were high-fives a plenty and free marmite all night behind the bar. Firas obviously drank vodka and gravy with an umbrella (an obvious tribute to the new Rhianna/Jay-Z track). The girls went. Yes, they all went after Albert's Rudebox fell out his trooooooousers (that's Scottish).

DJ Funbongo Setlist

Jaguar Skills - Wogan Theme
Amy Winehouse - Rehab DED Mix
Justice - D.A.N.C.E
Calvin Harris - Rock Band
Joss Stone - Tell me 'bout it
Blur - Charmless Man
LL Cool J - Lougin'
Calvin Harris - Love For You

What? we didn't intend to play two CH songs but a girl asked for it so...

Don't remember what else. The set had to stopped early for autograph signing.

Christian K played another high callibre eclectic magical set. Big Boss Firas, who has gone AWOL, played Renegade Master and two other Calvin Harris songs that FunBongo didn't play. No-one has seen Firas since.

He did mention (in an erry camp voice) the words Pakistan, and training.

Someone said they saw him outside Daniel Radcliffe's changing room but that's unconfirmed.

There are also conspiracy theories abound that Albert kidnapped him to allow the release of Funbongo's Britney Spears CD collection at Filthy Few nights. Who knows...

Hearts of Black Sceince

Funbongo: Well, ummm. The beef burger I ate for din dins was really good, it had a lot of hustle (and some chips too).

Albert: Yeah yeah The Hearts of Black Sceince, them dudes, errr yeah. I just need to return some video tapes.

Firas: Im AWOL

The Downfall of Paris

Funbongo: OK. Soma likes them.

Albert: Not as good as Jamiroquai.

Firas: geeeeeeeeeeehad, Albert untie me now!!!

Middleman

Funbongo: Up to their tip top standard. A live treat indeed.

Albert: Bravo to them, it was sad their set got cut short. Would have liked to have heard a cover of Elton John Rocket Man.

Firas: I'll be back.

Download Filthy Few Podcast please thank you - its free with lots of good music.

The next one is: 10th May @ Bar Music Hall in Shoreditch

Middleman Myspace

Downfall of Paris Myspace

Hearts of Black Science Myspace

Robin Thicke Live!

2007-04-19T19:19:00.001Z

Robin Thicke - Cocaine

The particulars of Albert's divorce from Ophelia specify:
Albert Hoxton is not allowed within two tube stops of Ophelia; if he breaches this then a special chip (Jack Bauer injected into him) will play sNow pAtrol into his head. This is a fate worse than death.

It happened once and he threw up in Mika's hair. Mika hasn't noticed, or even washed his hair yet.

Thicke's album

So while Ophelia drank tea and watched Doherty we went to Camden to check out The Thickster. Goths live/hang out in Camden :(

Is Robin Thicke a cheesy whitebread hobo with a bunch of slushy R&B stinkers? Or is he a talented musical meastro with songs to make Tupac cry with loving emotion?

lets see

What did he chat about inbetween songs?

Funbongo: Well Thicke carries off cheesy well. He spent the customary 3 weeks speaking out God and all that nonsense about 'believing in yourself' BUT the rest of the time he was pretty funny. He made a joke about murder - hilarious!! NB He didn't really.

Albert: Yeah, blah blah blah. I gave him a Tom Cruise Mission Impossible poster as he left and told him to sign up to tha Church of Scientology. He called me Ethan, told me I was a Top Gun and gave me a Firm handshake. He then asked me to go for a 'smart' cocktail with him. I said ' not if you were the last samurai on earth'.

How was the venue:

Funbongo: We liked the Jazz Café, its one of the better places in Camden.

Albert: We were in Camden!? You Sh**, f**K, ch*p windmill of a gun. I can't believe you made me go there. I thought the bad smell was your breath, weren't we in Woking? Oh my, I must put my body through the car wash and then the dry cleaners to sort this out. Balderdash.

Best Bit:

Funbongo: The amazing 'Shooter'. He rapped Lil Wayne's parts, as well as his own, it was spectacular. Although he failed to play 3 of his best songs the set was much better than I expected. There were maybe 9 great songs and 2 clangers. He was generally fantastic, a great musician.

Albert: Pretty fliiii for a white guy. I liked his band - dem were sum smoooooooooooooooooooooth kats.

Robin Thicke - All Night Long

Worse bit:

Funbongo: Camden. Oh, and the encore was a waste of two minutes.

Albert: Camde... Oh Sceince I cant bring myself to say it.

Marks out of Spencer or alternativetly 16.4 please

Funbongo: 12.9

Albert: Lets converse about the Ne-Yo album. we really like it. He is a cross between rubbish and amazing. Jay-Z says on it
'and Ne-Yo's like young Michael, Im Quincy Hov. Here's the flow that broke the Da Vinci Code'
I mean its already a classic for that statement alone.

You need to listen to Shooter about four times and then you will love it like weetabix on a lazy Sunday afternoon.

Robin Thicke - Shooter

NB Robin is currently writing for: Himself (second album), Usher and 50 Cent!? Given that these are potentially the two biggest 'urban' albums of the year, he is quite important/relevant.

Pharrell Saved? Yessir

2007-04-18T23:04:00.000Z

The amazing ?uestlove from The Roots reworking Pharrell's album

An Evening With Pete Doherty

2007-04-16T22:14:00.001Z
Wolfman - For Lovers Ft Peter Doherty

What happened?

Ophelia Hoxton: He started at 7.30 and played for about 3 hours, pretty consistently apart from messing up a bit on Fuck Forever. Alan Wass played for a bit (he's the one in the cowboy hat in the pictures), Lethal Bizzle (ah ha), Bert Janks (? - no idea, from the 60's apparently) played/rapped with him too. Lethal Bizzle did the rapping, Bert the playing by the way. A couple of the songs were a bit shit but majority were good and a couple excellent.

Funbongo: Oddly I once had to transcribe an interview with Lethal Bizzle and the guy talks at 486mph, he also uses words that sense make no.

Albert Hoxton: He is also a world classless rapper

Surprises:

Ophelia Hoxton: He managed to play for 3 hours without falling over. He didn't do any reading/poetry which I thought was a bit of a shame.

Albert Hoxton: Y iz mi x wifey Ofeeeelia writing for ya (Im in Lethal Bizzle mode)?

Funbongo: Pipe down Albert

What did Kate Moss look and perform like?

Ophelia Hoxton: Looked pretty pretty but she's tiny. She kind of skipped on, sang for 20 seconds and skipped off again so couldn't really tell how she could sing. That might have been the idea!! He did dedicate What Katie did next to his 'beautiful fiance' which was quite touching (hurl)

Albert Hoxton: He usually dedicates that one to me, my fake leg is called Katy.

Funbongo: Leave your gammy/gammon leg out of this

The Libertines - What Katy Did

How did you find Hackney?

Ophelia Hoxton: The Empire was an awesome venue although could have done with a telescope to see from where we were sat. Wasn't too worried about getting robbed but then didn't really spend too much time wandering around presenting a target.

Albert: Firas was in Holloway that night, no danger

Funbongo: Albert, that is out of order. Firas is not a thief; he is just the filthy terrorist

How do you now feel about Doherty?

Ophelia Hoxton: Haven't really changed my opinion, always thought he was very talented just a bit of a fuckwit.

Albert Hoxton: Ophelia's shitting potty mouth is why we got divorced.

Funbongo: Do you think Peter is a sceintologist like us Albert?

Albert Hoxton: That's a given, that's a given

What was his banter/interaction with the crowd like?

Ophelia Hoxton: He had a bit, but he did seem quite high/drunk/wasted/normal couldn't really tell as he seems to be the same no matter what the occasion.

Albert Hoxton: I am off to listen to the new Ne-Yo album.

Funbongo: Wait for me.

What were the best things?

Ophelia Hoxton: Fuck Forever, the Libertines songs he did, Down in Albion.

Albert Hoxton: Stop swearing.

Funbongo: Keep your eye on the prize Albert; this Ne-Yo album has a Jay-Z track on it.

What annoyed you:

Ophelia Hoxton: Screaming girls that I could have easily thrown a pint over. Guys behind me talking about how they were at the age now that they should start thinking about getting married. What?

Albert Hoxton: What is a pint?

Funbongo: It is a long wooden boat used on rivers, like in Cambridge.

Babyshambles - Albion

Rating out of 14.6:

Ophelia Hoxton: 10.7

Albert Hoxton: Am I meant to be scoring Ophelia or Peter Moss?

Funbongo: I give the Ne-Yo album 11.1, its actually good.

What Katy Did in 'ackney with Barat. Special, Special, Special.

Dont know where the youtube the real video for this is... For Lovers

Timbaland Murks Ronson

2007-04-15T21:55:00.000Z
Timbaland slaps Marky Ronson in the singles chart.

Numero Uno in the UK and USA

Timbaland - Give It To Me Ft Justin Timberlake and Nelly Furtado

The Dykeenies LIVE

2007-04-14T09:19:00.000Z
Who Are The Dykeenies?

Albert Hoxton: I could be wrong but I believe they are collection of Scottish lesbians often found in the suntan lotion section of Boots.

Funbongo: No Albert, no.

Penelope Hoxton: The Dykeenies are “Fucking Brilliant” if we’re to quote anyone from Trainspotting. Vocally strong and proving they’re one of the tightest bands on the block by sounding like they’re on record yet we’re watching them live. The Dykeenies should have been wowing Whiley (she means Tim Westwood, not Jo Whiny) rather than Lamacq (must mean T Dawg Trevor Nelson) at The 100 Club.

Who Listens To The Dykeenies?

Albert Hoxton: Anne Summers? Sean Connery, he is Scottish?

Funbongo: None of the above. Mainly 'kids in the Know'. NB 'Know' is a small island off the coast of Birmingham.

Penelope Hoxton: With big shout outs to producer legends (Timbaland?) and also cake bearers, The Dykeenies showed they clearly have fans from the highbrow studios to the local patisseries across the Kingdom. They definitely have an edge (no Bono thankfully) to them. They effortlessly mixed 'get into your head' catchy poppie songs (destined for success) with their 'hard as nails' Scottish roots.

The Dykeenies - New Ideas

What Was Their Banter Like?

Albert: Me didn't listen, they were all boys.

Funbongo: I think it was good but we don't speak Scotlish.

Penelope Hoxton: Chief vocalist and keyboard/synth player Brian Henderson (does he know Bigfoot?) could be a stand up comedian if he weren’t a passionate Dykeenie performer. At home with cracking gags that clearly only the Dykeenie brothers and friends “get”, the rest of the crowd were left baffled by Henderson’s razor sharp quick wit and incoherent Scottish accent. However, the audience was clearly charmed and chuckled away to his good humour and chat show host alter ego (More Alan Partrige than Wogan).

What Were The Higlights of The Show?

Albert Hoxton: Errrrrrr...this fit girl next to me had like some blondie highlights, she also had some Japanese slave girls called Harry and Chu Chu I think. Am I being interrogated again here? I have already explained why I fled the foreign legion.

Funbongo: The encore?

Penelope Hoxton: Panic, Things You Cannot See (arrr Ghosts!!!), Pick You Up, Waiting For Go, and current single New Ideas are by far their best songs but arguably Clean Up Yours Eyes and Stitches could be up there with the best.

The Dykeenies - Waiting For Go

Who Was There?

Albert Hoxton: People, there were definitely some people there.

Funbongo: I agree, some boys and some girls. I saw a UFO outside so maybe some aliens too.

Penelope Hoxton: Screaming, dancing hotties and lads alike. All respectfully nodding their heads; the impact of the songs clearly packed the punch.

Joss Stone - Tell Me What We're Gonna Do Now Ft Common

What Marks Would You Give Out of 14.4?

Albert:

Funbongo: Albert has left to get his hands waxed. 12.1 I guess, wasn't there but their songs are cool.

Penelope Hoxton: 12.9 - The Dykeenies are what they are and you can like it or lump it because they’re proud of who they are and what they’re bringing from the highlands to a town near you.

Funbongo: Well....Penelope told us.

The Dykeenies - New Ideas (Kissy Sell Out Mix)

Myspace

Website

New Ideas Video

Mutya Buena LIVE and a little Bjork love

2007-04-09T20:09:00.000Z

Mooooooo-Cha-Cha was superbo. The only drag was Albert's constant whining about 'a pain in the guliver, me lady'.

As the Calpol wore off his behavior became, at best, erratic. He tried to 'bumrush' the stage four times to get Mutty to sign, firstly his Rudebox, and then half a packet of caster sugar that he had stolen from Mark Morrison's Luton bungalow (that's gangsta).

All the songs she sang were great, very impressive considering we had heard none of them before...obviously they were not as good as Joss' new album.

The new single 'Real Girl' was probably the least fantastic song she sang. It samples: Lenny Kravtiz - It Aint Over Until Its Over. An obvious and safe sample to use. BUT she doesn't butcher it so we will give her a 'pass' on this one. It is growing on us at a rate comparable to Mika's ballooning ego...

Her myspace has no music on it - skoolgirl error.

The Official Website does, 'Strung Out' is amazing. 'Wonderful' is a great slo jam - that is urban talk for ballad.

Buy tickets to see her at the Jazz Cafe here. Me and Albert are going, so is Calvin Harris' dad, Rolf.

The Bjork and Timbaland (produced) single was due for digital release today. Its not legally online, nice job bozos. I already have it and it works...

Here is Bjork - Bacholette (RZA Mix). Brilliant record.

Conall and Leon like Icelandic girls...

Update - Bjork - Earth Intruders

Dear Josephine

2007-04-05T23:01:00.000Z
Our favourite guitar band. The Dirge of Camden. COLD PIE.

The Dirge Myspace

Now for the Posh and Becks of Rock.

Ludacris Vs The Jackson 5

2007-04-04T15:54:00.000Z

Ludacris, the master of cameos but not his own albums, is carefully blended over the top of Jackson 5 classics. Download Here from the 5GProduction Site

This actually pretty cool. Great job JJ Brown. Thanks to Novaslim and Rizoh for finding it.

Ludacris albums are usually fairly predictable:

Two catchy singles produced by 'super' producers (album budget blown here)
3 great tracks
5 Annoying interludes
10 trashing songs, poorly produced, sometimes with lamo R&B hooks.

Ciara - Oh! Ft Ludacris

Fergie - Glamourous Ft Ludacris (Space Cowboy Mix)

Jamie Foxx - Unpredictable Ft Ludacris

Usher - Yeah! Ft Ludacris

Missy - One Minute Man Ft Ludacris

The Good The Bad And The Queen Apple

2007-04-02T23:07:00.000Z

EMI have announced the introduction of higher quality DRM-less MP3's on the iTunes Music Store for £0.99. DRM encased MP4's will remain on sale at the traditional price of £0.79.

The Good

Higher Quality EMI MP3s will be available and will not feature copy protection (DRM).

EMI Music Videos will also be available at the same price without the copy protection.

A 256kbps DRM-less album will cost the same as an album encoded at 128kbps with DRM

This is the first concrete step by a major label towards a new legal digital music environment. Free us from paranoid copy protection please.

EMI's competitors (Sony, Warner and Universal) are likely to be under unstoppable pressure to follow suit. Independent labels are already able to sell DRM-less tracks on eMusic and so it is likely they will strike similar deals with iTunes.

The Bad

Customers will have to pay £0.99 for each of these 'premium' downloads.

I have bought the whole Joss Stone and Air albums already at 128kbps, can I upgrade for free as I bought the whole album? Can I upgrade my Robbie Videos for free?

The Beatles catalog is still not legally available online.

The Apple Queen

We tried out the new some of these 'Higher Quality' MP3's by buying EMI's first offering, The Good The Bad And The Queen (TGTBATQ). Ironically this album is available on the bands website via an iTunes rival, 7digital.

TGTBATQ is actually not the name of the band, its the name of the album. Damon decided it was stupid for them to have an actual name because they were all rock orphans from somewhere or another (Blur, Gorillaz, Gnarls Barkley, The Verve, The Clash...)

You can tell the difference between 'premium' MP3's and the normal ones. Its not mind blowing though, for the most part 128kbps is completely adequate for most people. Funbongo recently spoke to someone in the 'industry' and he mentioned that they felt people were concerned about the sound quality of their legal MP3 collection. Really? I haven't met anyone that genuinely finds 128kpbs a problem or not up to scratch.

It seems to me like an excuse to justify hiking up the prices and reducing the potential revenue loss from piracy. 'Lets rip those off music fans who already use iTunes a little'. They should have offered the all the MP3s without the copy protection. This would be a more genuine and positive move.

Funbongo would have been far more impressed if the DRM was stripped from £0.79 downloads as well. The restriction is still there, you can only purchase liberated MP3 if you are pretentious enough to pay more and fit into Steve Job's invisible class of 'audiophiles'.

Although this development falls short of what we had hoped it is certainly a fantastic move; three cheers for EMI and Apple. You have uncuffed one of the hands of legal music downloading. We predict that over the next few years these new offerings will become normalised across all internet music stores, regardless of record company affiliation. Once we have reached that stage the pressure will increase uncontrollably to abolish DRM altogether. The extinction of DRM was a bridge to far today. lets all hold hands, share iPod headphones and listen to 256kbps encoded music without the devilish copy protection. John Legend, I mean John Lennon would be proud.

Download The Good The Bad and The Queen (Premium Edition) here

EMI Press Release

PS The Good The Bad and The Queen LP is quite good.

Black Eyed Alanis

2007-04-02T21:58:00.000Z
The internet is going crazy for this video of Alanis covering 'My Humps' or as Catriona calls it, 'The Camel Song'.

Its both funny and adorable in a scary way. Loads of other blogs are posting it but I am the only person in love with Alanis enough to rip the MP3 (as far as I can't be bothered to check).

Here: Alanis Morissette - My Humps

Here is the Youtube video that is rather grand (I watched a film about the IRA last night)

I could literally fill the internet with expressions of my glorious love for Alanis but I will save you all.

Albert's Best Lyricists

Alanis Morissette
The Notorious B.I.G
Jay-Z
The Black Eyed Peas (not really)

Alanis' best album is not actually Jagged Little Pill

Funbongo Top 3 Alanis Albums

Supposed Former Infatuation Junkie

MTV Unplugged

Jagged Little Pill Acoustic

Filthy Few Ft DJ Funbongo Live

2007-04-02T21:20:00.000Z
Come and see if I can sneak some Jossy Stone and Bert Williams into my set.

I will play Lovelight, even if Filthy Few Firas tries to head-butt me again. Some people seemed to think he was trying to kiss me last time. To avoid his violent advances I will hide behind Albert's Malfoy Drako (From Harry Potter of course) Cloak.

Christian K is DJing with us.

Probably some bands too. No Girls Aloud or Fall Out Boy Sadly :(

Ronson Vs Kylie 'Slow Wee'

2007-04-01T17:48:00.000Z
Albert found this under his bed.

Kylie Minogue Vs Mark Ronson - Slow Wee

The coolest Beyonce video off the Re-release of B-Day. The best R&B video we have seen for a long time.

Get Me Bodied (gets interesting from 3:39)

Robyn LIVE Konichiwa Jade!

2007-03-31T16:33:00.000Z
Another week and another Swedish chick was in town to impress FunBongo and Albert Hoxton. Once again, we were joined by Disco .

Robyn - Konichiwa Bitches

Robyn - Cobrastyle

Disco said 'Sack the stylist'
Funbongo said' Not as good as The Sounds last week but better than the new Cardio Wave machine in the gym'
Albert said 'Where was Batman?'

Robyn - Jack You Off

Here is some of what it says about Robyn on www.robyn.com

'...(Robyn is) The most killingest pop star on the planet. A pint-sized atom bomb dosed to the tits on electric and dispensing wisdom in three-minute modernist pop bulletins on the post-adolescent condition...'

Robyn - Be Mine

We liked Robyn, she showed some good hustle.

The brilliantly titled album (Robyn, what a genius) is out on Monday. The cheapest place to buy it will be eMusic if you are a member. She is no longer signed to Sony and has started her own record label (Konichiwa Bitches), predicting that the major Record Labels will be out of business in 3 years. Mmmmm

Robyn - List Of Demands (Live)

The Sounds LIVE!

2007-03-29T23:29:00.001Z
There were two types of people at this gig (I don't mean boys and girls): Trendies and Emo's. Trendies to the back, Emo's to the front. Me, Albert and Disco were, of course, kickin' it with the Emo kids. Quite literally actually, this underage lesbian couple in front of us were really 'sad' and kept waving their sweaty bingo wings in Albert's face so he kicked them. They seemed to like it so he stopped.

The Sounds - Song With A Mission

According to Albertpedia, The Sounds were discovered by Sven Goran Eriksson's assistant Tord Grip. They were busking outside Ikea moaning about the minimum wage and the Poll Tax. The rest is history.

The Sounds - Queen Of Apology (Fall Out Boy Mix)

Back to the gig. It was fantastic. Their music is good but not amazing. However, the performance was atsonishing. Maja Ivarsson is an incredible lady, she was a beast in the best possible way. She spat on stage in true 'Roy of The Rovers' fashion and staged dived twice. The first time she leapt into the crowd she groped Albert. Maybe it was the other way round; I couldn't tell from the yelp.

The Sounds - Painted By Numbers

So we give The Sounds 9.8 out of 11.2.

The Sounds - Hurt You

The only downside was the venue, the Carling Academy in Angel is horsesh!t. Its deafeningly loud and far too dark.

The Sounds - Night After Night

FYI The Islington Carling Academy stewards administer the most vigorous frisk that you will ever experience. Some people might like that, Albert went back 8 times. They failed to find his machete, suckers.

Exclusive Toxic Avenger Remix!

2007-03-28T22:40:00.000Z
The Toxic Avenger

Filthy Firas discovered this French chap, he was appearing on 'Starz in Their Eyes' with Matthew Kelly. Toxic Avenger was doing a Daft Punk song, probably that geography one called Around The World. On the very same episode Albert was appearing as The Sugababes Vs Girls Aloud

Here is the awesome remix, it sounds a bit like Daft Punk - Human After All and The Prime Time Of Your Life but then develops into a fantastic track.

Sexual Earthquakes In Kobe - Dance Music (Toxic Avenger Mix)

Joss Kicks Amy and Lily to the curb

2007-03-28T18:08:00.000Z
USA Billboard Chart Entries

Joss Stone - Introducing Joss Stone = Number 2
Amy Winehouse - Back to Black - Number 7
Lily Allen - Alright Still - Number 20

The UK seems disinterested. However over 100 000 Yanks lapped it up this week, Shucks! All even more impressive given the huge push Universal have given Wino Stateside. Mo' Money Mo' Problems, go where you are loved young Joscelyn.

Ignoring chart positions, we love them all. Amy the least though because she slagged off Joss and was rubbish before she met Mark Ronson. Britain now has the three best 'Urban' female artists in the world. A very debatable claim (we will make it anyway, leave a comment if you disagree).

Albert says

'Is Mika one of dem three girls? Phuck Mary J Blige AKA The most over-rated artist of all time, the Brits gals rule A-OK'

Joss Stone - Girl They Won't Believe It

Ghostface Killah - You Know Im No Good Ft Amy Winehouse

Lily Allen - LDN Live

Here is the strangest content I have seen on iTunes...

Lily Allen - You Get Me (video)
Lily Allen - You're Out Of Luck (video)
Lily Allen - Laters (video)
Lily Allen - He is Just A Flash (video)
Lily Allen - Stop Giving Me Beef (video)
Lily Allen - The Party Was Nang (video)

Mika - Stuck In The Middle

Remixy

2007-03-27T20:18:00.000Z

I just made this logo, its slightly terrible. Anyway it gets the point across. We are now going to be posting remixes by Filthy Few Firas and Albert/Fun Bongo.

We are very busy with gigs, yoga, pilates, confession, blogging, back scratching, 'networking', solving social injustice, jaywalking, freestyling, nose picking, torture, the Cricket World Cup, ping pong, math, Djing, throwing up gang signs and midwifery that we might not be that quick at makin' them.

Here are the first two for free

Late Of The Pier - Space And The Woods (Filthy Few Mix)

Produced by Firas, Christian K and John Dean

The Dirge - Good Ones (Funbongo Mix)

Produced by Albert Hoxton

Albert says

'Yo is the camera rollin'? Peep the sugar. Anyway, I have heard hella lota tripe in my years in Monaco and especially Hoxton... these aren't as good as Daft Punk but are better than Justice remixes. Me just got the Natasha Bedders promo, 5 nicens, that one with Adam Marooney 5 is aight me guess'

Rehab pals, nice work Bobbie

How could we not predict Bob's stay in 'hab?

Listen to this from the cult classic, Rudebox

Robbie Williams - Good Doctor

Shakira Shakira LIVE! Ft Rick Rubin + The Rock?

2007-03-26T19:45:00.000Z
We get so much sh!t for liking Shakira Shakira, Zeus only knows why. Perhaps its because of the commercial nature of her two biggest hits (commercial and hits kind of go together).

However I doubt any of the haters have heard the very credible 'Oral Fixaction' Albums - neither of which featured 'Hips Dont Lie' when they were initially pressed.

Artists need pop hits. Jay-Z addresses the issue on The Bounce

For those that think Hov' (Shakira) fingers (belly) bling bling'n
either haven't heard the album or they don't know English (or Spanish)
They only know what the single is, and singled that out
to be the meaning of what he (she) is about
And bein I'm about my business, not minglin much
runnin my mouth, that shit kept lingerin
But no dummy (Wyclef), that's the shit (Hips don't Lie) I'm sprinklin
The album with to keep the registers ringin'

Team Shakira Shakira (Albert and Shakira' boyfriend, probably called Juan or Pedro) would like to point out the the world's most respected producer (probably) Rick Rubin was at the helm for both the Oral Fixation albums...

Shakira - Obenter Un Si

Shakira - La Pared

Shakira - La Tortura

I will probably never meet a peer who actually likes Shakira (aside from Albert) but I think she should be respected; she plays and writes all her music in two languages. She is also a great performer - not to be scoffed at young FIRAS!

Wyclef - It Doesn't Matter Ft The Rock

Oh Wyclef, that means the Fugees, Fugees means Lauryn... I should post her song with Joss Stone

Joss Stone - Music Ft Lauryn Hill (although iTunes spells Lauryn wrong)

Here is the video for the Sony dream sandwich of Shakira Shakira and Beyonjay Beyonjay. The song could have been better and always leads me to think of Madonna's Beautiful Stranger. They look the same, a wonderful thing.

Air LIVE! Akon Vs The Crazy Frog

2007-03-24T01:06:00.000Z
In the bleak mid winter we headed north (Kentish Town) to catch up with France's second best group. No, not Phoenix but Air.

At times they were mesmerising, mostly they were lazy. Sure, it was impressive to watch them play much of their back catalog with guitars and a collection of mad keyboards but they did nothing else. They said about 12 words to the crowd all night and did not move from their spots; apart from to readjust their dangerously tight white trousers.

Air - Napalm Love

Air - Alpha Beta Gaga Ft Rhymefest (Mark Ronson Remix)

They should have have had a video DJ to complement their soudtrack.

The also had no guest vocalists and failed to perform their best song

Air - You Make It Easy

Air - Kelly Watch The Stars

Gwen Stefani - What Are You Waiting For (The Tick Tock Song)? (Jaques Lu Cont Mix)

The Killers - Read My Mind (Pet Shop Boys Mix)

The Killers think EMO is dangerous, they are most EMO band of them all...

Justin Timberlake - Boutique In Heaven